IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph shows the average number of weekly patients visiting four clinics of a hospital from 2010 to 2016.

The line graph shows the average number of weekly patients visiting four clinics of a hospital from 2010 to 2016.
The line chart illustrates the data of people who are weekly
visited
Wrong verb form
visit
show examples
 different four clinics (birth control, eye, diabetic, and dental) in a particular hospital between 2010 to 2016.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the eye department escalated over the years,
while
Linking Words
 the number of birth control, diabetic and dental clinics rose with fluctuations over the period given. In 2010, the birth control received the highest number of patients
nearly
Punctuation problem
, nearly
show examples
 250 persons and
peaking
Wrong verb form
peaked at
show examples
 approximately 255 persons by 2012.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 rate saw
substantial
Correct article usage
a substantial
show examples
 drop
about
Change preposition
of about
show examples
 155 patients in 2014 before
went
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
 up again to just under 250 people in the
last
Linking Words
 year. In comparison, the eye part started with more than 100 individuals, but
then
Linking Words
 experienced a dramatic
increase
Punctuation problem
increase,
show examples
reached
Wrong verb form
reaching
show examples
 almost 350 visitors in 2016, which was the
most
Correct word choice
highest
show examples
 rate in
this
Linking Words
 year. In terms of
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the diabetic and the dental sections had the lowest amount of patients
around
Punctuation problem
, around
show examples
 50 visitors and 100 visitors at the beginning of the period, respectively. Despite some fluctuations between 2012 to 2014, the number of
visitos
Correct your spelling
visitors
 climbed roughly to 155 individuals and 140 persons by the end of the period.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "fluctuations" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: