IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

more and more people in their free time are doing dangerous activities such as mounting climbing. What might be the reason for this? Is this a positive or negative development?

Nowadays, as you probably know, more and more people, in their free time,
likes
Replace the word
like
show examples
 to practice dangerous activities,
such
Linking Words
 as
:
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
mountain
Use synonyms
 climbing or parachuting, and, unlikely, as a lot of people try them by
himself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
, there are a lot of accidents. Let's think about that guy who died in a
paracaducism
Correct your spelling
paragliding
 accident. To be
honest
Add a comma
honest,
show examples
 I do not even know what can push a person
in doing
Change preposition
to do
show examples
such
Linking Words
 a dangerous activity
, in
Punctuation problem
. In
show examples
fact
Add a comma
fact,
show examples
 I think that everybody should try those sports with an expert who can help them, and especially can suggest
them
Change preposition
to them
show examples
 which is the best trail, and what to do in case of danger. In my entire life I have always loved the
mountain
Use synonyms
, especially skiing, but I
also
Linking Words
 like
mountain
Use synonyms
 climbing, but I think that, as the
mountain
Use synonyms
 can be very dangerous, it is
also
Linking Words
 very important to be aware of the danger and to be able to stop and maybe retry the climbing another day but not when is dangerous, so,
at the end
Linking Words
 of the day, it's always better to have a specialist who can help us. Another dangerous sport is parachuting, in fact it is enough one mistake and you can die, let's think about all the people who died
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
 a parachuting mistake. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
 I would like to say that to be happy is not necessary
doing
Wrong verb form
to do
show examples
 a dangerous activity, in fact, as we have already said, they are
to
Use the right word
too
show examples
 dangerous and there is
great
Correct article usage
a great
show examples
 risk of death. So to end my
essay
Punctuation problem
essay,
show examples
 I suggest to everybody who
approches
Correct your spelling
approaches
 those sports to go with an expert and do not try them alone,
otherwise
Linking Words
 the risk of death is
to
Use the right word
too
show examples
 high.

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structure
Plan your essay. Use four parts: intro, two body parts, and a short end. This helps you show your view clearly.
content
Give a clear view on if the idea is good or bad. Give 2 or 3 simple reasons and a short result.
language
Use only simple words. Do not use hard or long words. Make one idea in one sentence.
language
Check your grammar. Watch for subject–verb form and how you use plural and 'to', 'of', 'the'.
content
The essay shows a clear view that danger in sport is real and safety matters.
content
It uses a real life example idea like accidents to back up the view.
language
It does show care for safety and says to go with an expert.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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