IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

More an more people are migrating to cities in search of a better life, but city life can be extremely dificult. Explain some of the difficulties of living in a city. How can governments make urban life better for every one?

A growing number of
people
Use synonyms
 have moved from rural areas to huge cities so they can have better job opportunities and a modern lifestyle
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 city life can present significant challenges. The main issues of living in a developed city are traffic
congestion
Use synonyms
 and
high
Correct article usage
the high
show examples
cost
Use synonyms
 of living. The most viable solution is that the
goevrnment
Correct your spelling
government
 must invest money
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 transportation and housing. One of the main
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
 is traffic
congestion
Use synonyms
 that huge cities deal with every day. As more
people
Use synonyms
 migrate
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
streets and highways become heavily congested.
This
Linking Words
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
 in overcrowding streets and roads in peak hours
like
Punctuation problem
, like
show examples
 nine to ten and three to five hours. Another issue is
high
Correct article usage
the high
show examples
cost
Use synonyms
fo
Use the right word
of
show examples
 living because a
montly
Correct your spelling
monthly
 payment for an apartment is much more expensive than
rural
Change preposition
in rural
show examples
 areas.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
difficult
Correct pronoun usage
it difficult
show examples
 for low-income families to afford a decent place to live.
More over
Use the right word
Moreover
show examples
, many families are
force
Replace the word
forced
show examples
 to live under one roof
due to
Linking Words
high
Correct article usage
the high
show examples
cost
Use synonyms
 of
rents
Fix the agreement mistake
rent
show examples
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
this
Linking Words
reduce
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduces
show examples
people
Use synonyms
's quality of life.
For instance
Linking Words
, many
inmmigrants
Correct your spelling
immigrants
 who come to live in
The
Fix capitalization
the
show examples
 United States, California,
they
Correct word order
apply
show examples
usually live in a garage because
Correct word order
they
show examples
cannot afford to live in a house or an apartment. The most viable solution is that governments need to invest millions of dollars in efficient public transportation
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
electric
Change preposition
as electric
show examples
 buses, metro
lines
Punctuation problem
lines,
show examples
 to reduce
trafic
Correct your spelling
traffic
congestion
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they need to keep prices affordable for everybody. As a
resul
Correct your spelling
result
,
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 might find
more
Correct pronoun usage
it more
show examples
conveninet
Correct your spelling
convenient
 to use public
transportantion
Correct your spelling
transportation
 than to use private cars.
Also
Linking Words
, authorities need to invest in programs for affordable housing polices, so
working class
Use the right word
working-class
show examples
 citizens can pay
suitable
Change preposition
for suitable
show examples
accomodations
Correct your spelling
accommodations
 to live.
Lastly
Linking Words
,
waiting
Correct article usage
the waiting
show examples
 list to qualify for a home should not be more than a year, so
people
Use synonyms
 might feel motivated to use these programs. To illustrate
this
Linking Words
, Anaheim has a housing program for those who qualify and the
wailting
Correct your spelling
waiting
 list
os
Use the right word
is
show examples
 less than five months. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 living in a
citie
Correct your spelling
city
 can bring many challenges like dealing with
Use synonyms
congestion
Replace the word
congested
show examples
 traffic and high
cost
Use synonyms
 of living, governments have the power to improve public transportation and make housing accessible for everybody.
Therefore
Linking Words
, if
such
Linking Words
 measures are taken,
city
Correct article usage
the city
show examples
truly
Verb problem
will truly
show examples
 become
Correct article usage
a places
show examples
places
Fix the agreement mistake
place
show examples
 where
people
Use synonyms
 enjoy a better environment with less
trafic
Correct your spelling
traffic
 and affordable living.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

general
Plan your answer first. Make a small plan with main ideas and how you will show them.
coherence
Use map words like first, next, and finally to show order.
coherence
Try to keep one idea in each paragraph. Do not mix many ideas in one part.
language
Check the spell and use simple spell and words.
content
Give more real examples to back your point for each idea.
content
You show two big problems and a plan to fix them.
structure
There is a clear start and end to the write up.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: