IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people beleive that culture will be runied if it is used to earn tourism revenue,but others consider that tourism is the only wsy of protecting culture.Discuss both side and give your opinion

Nowadays, as you probably know,
tourism
Use synonyms
 is very important for our economy. In
fact
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, if you think about it,
in
Change preposition
apply
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every big city is full of
touristic
Replace the word
tourist
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 attractions, let's think about the Duomo of Milan, or about the Colosseum in Rome, or
also
Linking Words
 about the Vatican's museums
always
Punctuation problem
, always
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 in Rome. So as you can
imagine
Punctuation problem
imagine,
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tourism
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 is very important, especially for
an
Correct article usage
a
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 historical country
as
Change preposition
like
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italy
Fix capitalization
Italy
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. Even if it is so important, not everybody
appreciate
Correct subject-verb agreement
appreciates
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tourism
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,
Punctuation problem
;
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 in
fact
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, as you can probably imagine, some
people
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, with whom I disagree, think that
tourism
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 will ruin our
culture
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. To be honest, as I have already said, I don't agree with
this
Linking Words
 belief, in
fact
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 I think that
tourism
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 is a way to protect
out
Use the right word
our
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culture
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 and to give our best to protect our history. As I have already said,
is
Correct pronoun usage
it is
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 full of
people
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 who are against
tourism
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, because they think that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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it will ruin our
culture
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. To be
honest
Add a comma
honest,
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 I think that those
people
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 are afraid of the possibility that the large
amount
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number
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 of
people
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 visiting our country will ruin our monuments, and they, probably, are afraid of the
fact
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 that we are going to lose are
culture
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 and that our costumes will always get more and more
internationals
Use the right word
international
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. At the same
time
Add a comma
time,
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 there are
people
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 who strongly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 idea. In
fact
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, as I have said in the first paragraph,
tourism
Use synonyms
 is very important for our economy, and
this
Linking Words
 is, probably, the reason why we try to keep our monuments and our cities clean and safe. In
conlclusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, I would like to say that without
tourism
Use synonyms
 our economy would be a disaster, in
Use synonyms
fact
Punctuation problem
fact,
show examples
 places like museums, but
also
Linking Words
 restaurants would earn less money.

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structure
Make a plan before you write. Start with a short intro that states your view and what you will talk about.
content
Give one idea per paragraph. Explain why it matters and add a real detail or fact as support.
coherence
Use clear linking words to join ideas (for example, first, also, but, however, in addition).
language
Check spelling and form. Use shorter sentences to avoid errors.
content
The essay shows both sides and gives the writer's view.
language
It uses examples like famous places to make the point, which shows real touch.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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