IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Whether to share
information
Use synonyms
 online has
raise
Wrong verb form
raised
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a controversial debate in recent years. Some argue that it is beneficial to share plenty
Use synonyms
information
Change preposition
of information
show examples
 for research, enterprises and academic
society
Fix the agreement mistake
societies
show examples
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 can benefit citizens in most nations, whilst some content that
information
Use synonyms
 is
way
Rephrase
apply
show examples
too
indispensable
Correct word choice
valuable
show examples
 to be shared without
charging
Punctuation problem
charging,
show examples
 as it proves to have negative impacts on both national security and
human’s
Check wording
human
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wellbeing
Use the right word
well-being
show examples
. In my opinion, I firmly find that the
later
Use the right word
latter
show examples
 point is more convincing. It is undeniable that sharing
information
Use synonyms
 on the internet can benefit humans in several ways.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, with enough documents and essays in
scientific
Correct article usage
the scientific
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 area, graduates
at
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with
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 their master’s degree can easily have access to
this
Linking Words
 knowledge may contribute more
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society as online resources are generally made
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 experienced professors.
Moreover
Linking Words
, shareholders and franchisers can have insights about the business if sufficient
information
Use synonyms
 about the company
was
Wrong verb form
is
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 published, so they can decide whether it is worth it to invest in the organisation.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, AI can support freshman by providing extra knowledge and solutions if they are having difficulty dealing with their academic essays.
However
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, the
expose
Replace the word
exposure
show examples
 of resources has far more drawbacks than its
advantageous
Replace the word
advantages
show examples
. If numerous contents are
post
Replace the word
posted
show examples
 and
publish
Wrong verb form
published
show examples
 without the agreement from
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
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 original
writer
Fix the agreement mistake
writers
show examples
,
information
Use synonyms
 may be
use
Wrong verb form
used
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 incorrectly when citing for
bibliography
Correct article usage
the bibliography
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.
For example
Linking Words
, professors in
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
 may
have
Verb problem
apply
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lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
interest if
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
they themselves
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 are
sacrifice
Replace the word
sacrificing
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 for nothing, as
this
Linking Words
 deteriorates their motivation to reach their full potential.
As a result
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 can cause significant heart diseases like mental breakdown or asthma.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, counties can face severe danger if hidden servers share
uncountable
Correct word choice
countless
show examples
 messages to the public, as
this
Linking Words
 may create panic among all residents in the nation. Given the arguments above, providing resources is useful in every aspect of life in research, franchise and academic level, but
this
Linking Words
 can have more disadvantages on the researchers’ wellbeing.

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content
State your clear view in the first paragraph and keep it in mind as you write.
structure
Use a simple order. Put one idea in each paragraph and use link words like first, also, but, however to show the flow.
language
Fix grammar and word choice. Use short, safe sentences and check spelling.
examples
Add one or two clear examples that fit the idea you say.
effort
The essay shows both sides, not just one idea.
organization
There is a basic plan: intro, body, and conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • information sharing
  • scientific research
  • business
  • academic world
  • advancement of knowledge
  • progress
  • collaboration
  • cross-disciplinary research
  • open access
  • democratization of information
  • transparency
  • credibility
  • intellectual property
  • security concerns
  • commercial interests
What to do next:
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