IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters(such as food, clothes, and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In contemporary
society
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, the extent to which
children
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 should be allowed to make their own
choices
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 has become a topic of considerable debate. Some people argue that granting
children
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 autonomy in daily decisions,
such
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 as choosing food, clothing, or entertainment, may foster a generation of
self-centered
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self-centred
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 individuals. Others,
however
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, contend that allowing
children
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 to make decisions about matters affecting them is essential for their development.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives before presenting my opinion. On one hand, critics of giving
children
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 too much freedom contend that constant autonomy may encourage selfish
behavior
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behaviour
show examples
.
Children
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 who are allowed to follow only their desires may fail to understand compromise and the importance of considering others’ needs. Over time,
this
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 can result in a
society
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 where individuals
prioritize
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prioritise
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 personal satisfaction over communal responsibility.
Moreover
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, without proper guidance,
children
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 may struggle to develop discipline and self-control, which are essential traits for successful functioning in
society
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.
Conversely
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, proponents of independent decision-making
emphasize
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emphasise
show examples
 that allowing
children
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 to make
choices
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 fosters responsibility and confidence. From an early age,
children
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 learn to evaluate options and understand the consequences of their actions.
Such
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 experiences cultivate problem-solving skills, creativity, and resilience, which benefit both the individual and
society
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. In countries where
children
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 are encouraged to make appropriate
choices
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 within guided limits, research has shown higher levels of self-reliance and social competence in adulthood. In conclusion,
while
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 unrestricted autonomy can lead to selfish tendencies, a balanced approach that combines guidance with opportunities for independent decision-making is most beneficial. In my view, parents and educators should allow
children
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 to make
choices
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 in everyday matters
while
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 providing support and supervision, ensuring the development of well-rounded, responsible, and socially aware individuals.

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task
Make your view clear at the end in one strong line.
task
Add one or two simple, real life examples to show your point.
language
Use plain words and short sentences to keep the text easy to read.
coherence
Connect ideas with easy linking words like First, Also, But, So.
content
Clear choice on the topic and a good plan.
structure
Well in step with two sides of the view and a calm tone.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Autonomy
  • Consequence-awareness
  • Self-centered
  • Informal decision-making education
  • Child development
  • Age-appropriate choices
  • Cognitive growth
  • Fostering independence
  • Parental guidance
  • Societal norms
  • Interpersonal consideration
  • Balance of freedom
  • Individualism versus collectivism
  • Experience-based learning
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