IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

People are surrounded by advertisement which has an increased effect on our lives. Do you think the positive effects of this outweigh the negative effects?

In
a
Correct word order
such a
show examples
such
Linking Words
 consuming society nowadays, advertisements are everywhere. They penetrate our lives
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 various
medias
Fix the agreement mistake
media
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as television,
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 and outdoor
billboard
Fix the agreement mistake
billboards
show examples
.
Although
Linking Words
 advertising is often
criticized
Use the right word
criticised
show examples
 for manipulating consumers and promoting the value of materialism, I think that when it is regulated, the positive impact of advertising far outweighs its negative impact. The main advantage of advertising lies in its economic function. To start with, it is the lifeline of the business world, enabling the
company
Use synonyms
 to introduce new products and services to people.
For example
Linking Words
,
technology
Correct article usage
a technology
show examples
company
Use synonyms
 uses attractive advertisements to promote the functions of the latest smartphones,
thus
Linking Words
 stimulating demand and driving sales.
This
Linking Words
 not only brings profits to the
company
Use synonyms
, but
also
Linking Words
stimulate
Correct subject-verb agreement
stimulates
show examples
 economic growth by creating job opportunities,
finally
Linking Words
 benefiting the whole society.
However
Linking Words
, it is fair to admit the potential disadvantages of advertising. Advertising may manipulate consumer
behavior
Use the right word
behaviour
show examples
 by overstating unrealistic needs and beautifying
lifestyle
Correct article usage
a lifestyle
show examples
, which may lead to overconsumption.
In addition
Linking Words
, advertisements for children are really controversial as young generations lack the ability to control themselves. The
advertiement
Correct your spelling
advertising
company
Use synonyms
 may make use of
this
Linking Words
 characteristic to produce misleading
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
show examples
, impacting children's value system. In short,
although
Linking Words
 advertising does have its shortcomings, mainly manifested in manipulation, its great economic benefits are undeniable.
Though
Use the right word
Through
show examples
 proper supervision, advertising can continue to be a powerful positive force to promote economic prosperity and social progress.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

content
Add more clear and specific reasons and examples to back your view.
grammar
Fix grammar and spell mistakes to make your point clear.
coherence
Use more linking words to show how ideas fit together.
structure
Keep a clear stance in the closing paragraph and restate your view clearly.
content
You give a clear view on the topic.
structure
The essay has a clear plan: intro, body parts, and conclusion.
content
Both sides are touched, and a final view is given.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • advertisement
  • ads
  • information
  • product
  • choice
  • price
  • money
  • business
  • job
  • media
  • free
  • funded
  • rule
  • rules
  • law
  • protection
  • privacy
  • data
  • trust
  • trick
  • false
  • claim
  • waste
  • distraction
  • thinking
  • compare
  • balance
  • effect
  • impact
  • culture
  • market
What to do next:
Look at other essays: