IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In today's world many people own a smart phone. Do you think the advantages of owning a smartphone outweigh the disadvantages?

In
this
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 modern world, smartphones have become an integral part of the daily life of most individuals.
However
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,
this
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 trend can cause several issues in
people
Use synonyms
's lives if not handled carefully. Despite some challenges, I believe that owning
such
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devices
Use synonyms
 can have more positive outcomes. My inclination will be explained in detail in
further
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 paragraphs.
To begin
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, there are certainly myriad benefits of owning mobile phones. First and foremost,
such
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devices
Use synonyms
 make communication a piece of cake through social media apps.
This
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 is to say that the video calling and the texting features of these applications can easily connect
people
Use synonyms
 around the world through the internet.
For example
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, almost all migrants in the United States and in the United Kingdom use
a
Correct article usage
apply
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Whatsapp
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WhatsApp
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 and
a
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apply
show examples
Face-time
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FaceTime
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 to stay in touch with their families back in their native countries, which without the use of smart
devices
Use synonyms
 would never have been possible.
Furthermore
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, another great benefit of having smartphones is the easy and quick access to the internet. Which means one can browse anything that comes to their mind in just a few taps and
fatch
Correct your spelling
fetch
 the data from the internet. On the other
side
Check wording
hand
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, there are a few drawbacks
of
Change preposition
to
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 owning them
too
Punctuation problem
, too
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. Addiction is one of the most common habits, especially among young
people
Use synonyms
 , because Young groups often spend hours either scrolling social media or playing games online.
This
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 way,
instead
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 of playing outdoors, they spend most of their time sitting in front of the screen, which would not only damage their eyes but
also
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they
Verb problem
cause they
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 would lack some crucial skills
such
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 as physical strength, discipline, leadership, and communication skills.
However
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,
this
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 habit can be controlled by parental supervision.
To conclude
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,
although
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 many
people
Use synonyms
 are struggling with the habit of excessive use of phone
devices
Use synonyms
, the
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
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 it brings to the community
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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immensely
Replace the word
immense
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huge
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
.

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task response
Make the task view clear in the intro and restate it in the conclusion. State one main view and give two clear reasons with simple examples.
coherence
Use one main idea per paragraph and start each with a clear topic sentence. Then use linking words to connect ideas.
coherence
Check how ideas are linked. Use linking words to connect paragraphs with 'also', 'but', 'so', and give clear order.
grammar
Fix grammar and spelling errors. Watch for capital letters and wrong forms, like 'fatch'.
lexical
Use simple words. Avoid hard or long words and choose plain terms.
examples
Give more real examples or data to back up points. Explain how each reason helps or harms.
content
Clear stance is stated in the intro and restated in the conclusion.
structure
Paragraphs show a plan with pros and cons.
coherence
Uses some linking words to join ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphone
  • talk
  • message
  • information
  • map
  • app
  • bank
  • safety
  • time
  • distraction
  • sleep
  • privacy
  • security
  • screen time
  • balance
  • limit
  • habit
  • learning
  • work
  • health
What to do next:
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