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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Today more people are overweight than ever before. What in your opinion are the primary causes of this? What are the main effects of this epidemic?

Life has changed significantly in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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recent years. One change is that we see more obese individuals in
the societies
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society
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 compared to the past. There are a lot of reasons for
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon, and obesity definitely has several negative consequences. Being overweight is a result of different social and individual causes. The first thing is the huge change in the
lifestyle
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 of
people
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especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
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 in the new millennium.
People
Use synonyms
 used to be more active since jobs and careers needed
people
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 to be so.
However
Linking Words
, these days,
as a result
Linking Words
 of
advancement
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advances
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 in technology and a change in the form of jobs,
people
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 don’t need to
have
Verb problem
be
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activity
Replace the word
active
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 at work
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they mostly lead a sedentary
lifestyle
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, our ancestors’
food
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 interests
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 shifted to fast foods.
People
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 tended to eat healthy
food
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 like organic vegetables, dairy products, and proteins,
whereas
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,
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apply
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 nowadays, the majority of the population
prefer
Correct subject-verb agreement
prefers
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 to have
food
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,
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apply
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 which is easy to prepare. Unfortunately,
this
Linking Words
 kind of
food
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 doesn’t have much nutritional value, and most of them are high in calories. Another
causes
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cause
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 which should not
underestimated
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be underestimated
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 is that
,
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apply
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 exercising has
forgotten
Verb problem
been forgotten
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,
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apply
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 recently.
While
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,
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apply
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 in the past,
people
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 often went hiking and climbing
due to
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lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of other
entertainments
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entertainment
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, in
the
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apply
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modern life, they are so busy, and they can’t find enough time to exercise.
Linking Words
Therefore
Punctuation problem
Therefore,
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Linking Words
this
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these
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 events
leads
Correct subject-verb agreement
lead
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 to obesity. Having bad habits in our
lifestyle
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 creates a lot of problems. When our arteries get blocked with fat, the risk of cardiovascular disease and heart attack
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
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.
Similarly
Linking Words
, obese
people
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 are prone to type 2 diabetes.
Hence
Linking Words
, all these chronic diseases reduce the quality of our lives.
As a result
Linking Words
, the mortality rate and different types of cancers
raise
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rise
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, particularly among young
people
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.
Moreover
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,
next
Correct article usage
the next
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 generation might imitate these
behaviors
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behaviours
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, and in fact, it will be so harmful for their health. In conclusion,
due to
Linking Words
 living in the modern life and competitive world, our
lifestyle
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 has changed completely in a way,
which
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in which
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 most of
all
Correct pronoun usage
we
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 use our private vehicles, and we become so inactive and tend to eat fast
food
Use synonyms
 more than before to get
much
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apply
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more time to work.
Thus
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, we are more overweight, and I recommend more physical activities and avoiding
high-calories
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high-calorie
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food
Use synonyms
 to
new
Correct article usage
the new
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 generation to promote
overall
Linking Words
 health.

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structure
Plan your essay with a clear start, middle, and end. Put 3 parts: causes, effects, and a short fix. Each part should have a clear idea.
grammar
Use simple and correct grammar. Check small errors like 'This events leads' should be 'These events lead'.
content
Give more precise and concrete examples. For instance, talk about how a day of little walking or a fast meal affects health over time.
content
You write about both causes and effects.
coherence
You use linking words to connect ideas.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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