IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is often thought that an increase in juvenile crime can be attributed to violence in the media. To what extent do you agree or disasgre ?

In
this
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texavi
Fix capitalization
Texavi
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 era, it has been unfortunate to see that youngsters have been engaged in various
offenses
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offences
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 that are even punishable by stringent laws.
Although
Linking Words
 there could be various social and psychological explanations
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 trend, I firmly believe that the use of violent
media
Use synonyms
 has a direct influence
over
Change preposition
on
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 the increase
of
Change preposition
in
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under-aged
Use the right word
underage
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 crimes because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 violent
media
Use synonyms
 always
promote
Correct subject-verb agreement
promotes
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violence
Use synonyms
 over victims as the only solution
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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also
Linking Words
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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creates acceptance of spreading
violence
Use synonyms
 as a defensive mechanism. In the following paragraphs, these reasons have been explained thoroughly.
Firstly
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, the
aggresive
Correct your spelling
aggressive
media
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as fighting video games and movies promote thoughts of acceptance of physical assaults
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 your enemy.
This
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 is because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 violent
media
Use synonyms
 has always been designed and
programed
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programmed
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 to
take
Use the right word
make
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 quick decisions through
distroying
Correct your spelling
destroying
 the enemy
while
Linking Words
 providing many different alternatives to get the same outcome.
Also
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, it creates a general acceptance that spreading
violence
Use synonyms
 over the person who holds
opposive
Correct your spelling
opposing
 views in order to defend yourself from getting attacked.
Due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason, if a youngster is exposed to a smaller duration of
such
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 aggressive
media
Use synonyms
 would be oriented to change their perspective and sometimes tend to attack
on
Change preposition
apply
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someone else brutally, if they feel they could be attacked if not
otherwise
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.
Secondly
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, the
aggresive
Correct your spelling
aggressive
media
Use synonyms
 directly promotes rivalry over your enemy or
person
Correct article usage
a person
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 who
oppose
Correct subject-verb agreement
opposes
show examples
 your view or acts. Because aggressive video games and movies have only been designed to one end solutions
while
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distroying
Correct your spelling
destroying
 your foe, they do not promote discussion, showing mercy and protecting the rights of rivals.
In
Change preposition
For
show examples
this
Linking Words
 reason, the continuous use of these
media
Use synonyms
 would definitely decrease the moral attitudes
such
Linking Words
 as forgiveness and sympathy
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 your foes.
Therefore
Linking Words
, children
as
Punctuation problem
, as
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 the main category who always engage in viewing the violent
media
Use synonyms
, would tend to act as per what they believe
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is right to do.
As
Change preposition
In
show examples
 summary, I believe that the increase in
under-aged
Use the right word
underage
show examples
 crimes nowadays could be
difectly
Correct your spelling
directly
 linked to the use of aggressive
media
Use synonyms
 because those
media
Use synonyms
promotes
Correct subject-verb agreement
promote
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rivalry and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
accept the idea of
violence
Use synonyms
over
Change preposition
against
show examples
 your
enamies
Correct your spelling
enemies
.

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task
Be sure to state your view at the start and keep to one clear stance.
coherence
Link ideas with simple words like and, but, so, also to show how they connect.
language
Check spell and grammar to make your point clear and easy to read.
idea
You give a clear position on the topic.
structure
There is a plan with an intro, body and end.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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