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Writing Samples
Band 8

the bar chart shows the online sales of smartphones, laptops and tablets in the first quarter of the year.

the bar chart shows the online sales of smartphones, laptops and tablets in the first quarter of the year.
The bar chart illustrates the online purchases of different devices
such
Linking Words
 as mobiles, laptops and tablets in the first four months of the year. The unit is measured by millions.
Overall
Linking Words
, the number of smartphone and tablet
sales
Use synonyms
 is considerably high,
while
Linking Words
 laptops fluctuated throughout the whole period.
To begin
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, personal computer
sales
Use synonyms
 were 50
million
Use synonyms
 in January,
then
Linking Words
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 dropped 10
million
Use synonyms
 in the next two months.
At the end
Linking Words
 of the period, Pc
sales
Use synonyms
 were at the same level as they started. Meanwhile. tablet purchases varied in the whole period, in January were at 30
million
Use synonyms
,
then
Linking Words
 doubled and hit a high point of exactly 60
million
Use synonyms
,
then
Linking Words
 the
sales
Use synonyms
 remained stable in March.
However
Linking Words
, tablet
sales
Use synonyms
 dramatically decreased to 25
million
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, mobile
sales
Use synonyms
 began at 20
million
Use synonyms
,
then
Linking Words
 the
sales
Use synonyms
 rose in the next two months to between 40-70
million
Use synonyms
sales
Use synonyms
 respectively.
Finally
Linking Words
, the purchase of phones moderately decreased to 45
million
Use synonyms
sales
Use synonyms
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words sales, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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