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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information about the common activities children ages in the United States do as part of their bedtime routine

The graph below gives information about the common activities children ages in the United States do as part of their bedtime routine
The bar chart shows
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
 usual activities among
children
Use synonyms
 in the United States
do as
Verb problem
are
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 part of their bedtime routines.
Overall
Linking Words
, reading was the most common activity among
children
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 all ages,
while
Linking Words
 eating and watching were lower compared to other habits. As the graph shows,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
reading was the most popular activity among
children
Use synonyms
 in all
age
Use synonyms
 groups
Punctuation problem
, in
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in
Change preposition
with
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 range of between 60% and 70 %. The percentage of brushing teeth increased
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
age
Use synonyms
,
for example
Linking Words
, only 30% of toddlers brush their teeth
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it rose to around 45% and 50% in 4-5 years and 6-8 years , respectively.
While
Linking Words
 the percentage of having a bath decreased
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
age
Use synonyms
growth
Check wording
apply
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, 40% of
children
Use synonyms
 took a shower during their toddler time , but it fell to around 34%
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the
age
Use synonyms
 of 6-8 .
By contrast
Linking Words
, watching TV showed one of the lowest results, it was in the
of
Check wording
range of
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 between 15% and 20% among all
age
Use synonyms
 groups with little fluctuation. Regarding
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
eating, it was much more common among toddlers with 20% compared to other
age
Use synonyms
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 of
children
Use synonyms
(10%).

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words children, age with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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