IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, the number of people suffering from stress is increasing. What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to tackle it? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In many nations, the
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 who have mental
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
show examples
stress
Punctuation problem
stress,
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 sharply increasing. There are several factors caused
this
Linking Words
 trend
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 there certainly are various measures that could be taken to mitigate the detrimental harm that it brings. There are a variety of causes
lead
Correct pronoun usage
that lead
show examples
 to
this
Linking Words
 matter.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the
accelereration
Correct your spelling
acceleration
 of technological advancement is one of the most important
factor
Fix the agreement mistake
factors
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
this
Linking Words
Use synonyms
phenonmenon
Correct your spelling
phenomenon
 is becoming a wall between
people
Use synonyms
 to each other .
For instance
Linking Words
, everyone is too focused
at
Change preposition
on
show examples
 smart devices
they
Punctuation problem
, they
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 start to lose
real life
Use the right word
real-life
show examples
 connections and slowly fall into "the well of despair".
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the advancement
Use synonyms
phenonmenon
Correct your spelling
phenomenon
 is
also
Linking Words
 making
people
Use synonyms
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
 excessively more which
also
Linking Words
caused
Wrong verb form
causes
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 social distancing and leads to depression, stress.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the roots are the inadaptability of humans to our own
fast developing
Use the right word
fast-developing
show examples
 world. Despite
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
 circumstances, there are several
soultions
Correct your spelling
solutions
 to mitigate
this
Linking Words
 crisis. One obvious measure is to lessen the
overall
Linking Words
 workload of employees ,since they are the most vulnerable to stress. An example for
this
Linking Words
 could be the fact that 90% of workers in Japan usually leave their jobs
due to
Linking Words
 overexertion and
stressed
Verb problem
are stressed
show examples
 about their
livelyhood
Correct your spelling
livelihood
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, government and authorities should
also
Linking Words
 participate in the prevention of the advancement of
this
Linking Words
Use synonyms
phenonmenon
Correct your spelling
phenomenon
.
For instance
Linking Words
, many nations
such
Linking Words
 as Finland or Switzerland are considered the happiest countries because of
government's
Correct article usage
the government's
show examples
 policies about working hours.
Linking Words
Therefore
Punctuation problem
Therefore,
show examples
 they have more freedom in working spaces and don't have as much anxiety as before. In conclusion, the expansion of stressed
people
Use synonyms
 in many nations
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 a crisis that should be formally addressed
Punctuation problem
, eventhough
show examples
eventhough
Correct your spelling
even though
this
Linking Words
Use synonyms
phenonmenon
Correct your spelling
phenomenon
 is not likely to disappear in
near
Correct article usage
the near
show examples
 future, we should still
utilize
Use the right word
utilise
show examples
 everything we can to mitigate the detrimental harm of
this
Linking Words
 problem.

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task response
Expand each cause and each measure with clear examples and steps.
coherence
Use a clear opening and closing paragraph that link to the task.
language
Keep grammar clean and use simple, short sentences to avoid errors.
coherence
Use linking words to show how ideas flow from one to the next.
content
The essay tries to cover both causes and fixes.
reference
It gives real examples like Japan and Nordic countries.
content
Some clear links between tech use and stress are shown.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Work-life balance
  • Burnout
  • Digital detox
  • Mindfulness
  • Coping mechanisms
  • Cognitive-behavioral therapy
  • Financial stability
  • Public awareness campaigns
  • Resilience training
  • Support networks
What to do next:
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