IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own idea.

Some would argue that advertising works so much at drawing attention to purchase items,
while
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 others say that there are so much of advertising commercials that we no longer
give
Verb problem
pay
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 attention.
While
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 there are a lot of commercials we don't care about
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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, I believe advertising commercials still get high value from customers and still draw
people
Use synonyms
's consideration. On the one hand,
advertisements
Use synonyms
 are very popular nowadays, and they are suffering from a lack of customers.
Advertisements
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 have increased significantly,
due to
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 the industrial revolution, and the rise of
advertisements
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 has been so popular among the public, so
people
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 get used to seeing a bunch of them
,
Punctuation problem
;
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therefore
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, as human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
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, they have become familiar with and are no longer interested in them.
For example
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, in Saudi Arabia, statistics show that 56% of citizens watch the Ads and don't give attention to them.
However
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, I believe that they are important and play a specific role in our lives, because
most
Fix capitalization
Most
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people
Use synonyms
 still buy products by seeing an Ad.
On the other hand
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, purchasing items by watching them on TV or your phone is
a quite
Correct word order
quite a
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 common method. When
people
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 want to buy
somthing
Correct your spelling
something
, they immediately Google for it,
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while
Correct word choice
and
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 they will see many ads, and
this
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 has achieved great results in the long run. To illustrate, the UK made a survey which shows how many
people
Use synonyms
 have searched for Amazon, and they noticed
Correct word choice
that the
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 huge number of customers they got about 72%. In my opinion,
advertisements
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Verb problem
have
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gained a lot of success
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 because of their role in our society. In conclusion,
although
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 you can see them everywhere, that does not mean it's not precious; they are more than that , believe me. Ads are still essential in our community and have their popularity,

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planning
Plan your essay in four steps: intro with your view, two clear ideas with some small proof, and a short end that restates your view.
structure
Make a clear main idea in the intro and keep to it in each paragraph.
language
Use small, short sentences and check spellings and form.
development
You show both sides of the idea.
evidence
You use some example to back up your point.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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