IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Advances in technology and automation have reduced the need for manual labour. Therefore, working hours should be reduced. Q: To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is no denying the fact that advances in
technology
Use synonyms
plays
Correct subject-verb agreement
play
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 a vital role in all
life
Check wording
apply
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aspects.
While
Linking Words
 it is a commonly held belief that working
hours
Use synonyms
 should be
reduce
Wrong verb form
reduced
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,
due to
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 depending heavily on automation, there is an argument that opposes it. In my opinion,
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 consider that working
hours
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 no relevance to
that
Correct determiner usage
the
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 advances
machines
Change preposition
in machines
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, which are
utilize
Verb problem
utilised
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 in
a
Correct article usage
apply
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divers
Use the right word
diverse
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 works. On one hand,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 disagree
Change preposition
with that
show examples
that
Correct determiner usage
the
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 reduction of working
hours
Use synonyms
.
In other words
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, it can
led
Wrong verb form
lead
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 to
complex-problems
Use the right word
complex problems
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 among
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
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 and households,
such
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 as increasing unemployment, and negative impacts on the
life
Check wording
apply
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quality.
In addition
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,
rely
Wrong verb form
relying
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 heavily on
an
Correct article usage
apply
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automatic machines can
causes
Wrong verb form
cause
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vary
Replace the word
various
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 consequences, which
encompasses
Verb problem
include
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 regularity services,
frequently stopped
Replace the word
frequent stops
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 and
required
Wrong verb form
requiring
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 a high number of observers.
For example
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,
unemployment
Correct article usage
the unemployment
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 trend that occurred in China, since they started their
technology
Use synonyms
 revolution,
Linking Words
due
Verb problem
has led
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 to
that
Correct determiner usage
an
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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extremely depend
Replace the word
extreme dependence
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 on
technology
Use synonyms
 rather than
Correct article usage
the labor
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labor
Use the right word
labour
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 force.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, automation
have that
Wrong verb form
has
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 many benefits
on
Change preposition
for
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 employers and companies,
includes
Replace the word
including
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 saving time and
alleviate
Wrong verb form
alleviating
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 efforts.
However
Linking Words
, when working
hours
Use synonyms
reduced
Verb problem
are reduced
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, it can
has
Wrong verb form
have
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significant
Correct article usage
a significant
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 impact on both individuals and societies.
For instance
Linking Words
,
real-issues
Use the right word
real issues
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happened
Wrong verb form
happening
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 in the world are a testament to the drawbacks of an
Use synonyms
hours
Fix the agreement mistake
hour
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 reduction, which
hold
Verb problem
leads to
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increasing
Correct article usage
an increasing
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 crime rate and
Correct article usage
the immensely
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immensely
Replace the word
immense
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 spread of poverty. In conclusion,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 tend to consider that working
hours
Use synonyms
 should not be reduced
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
furthermore
Linking Words
, industrial authorities should
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
give
the prioritizing
Wrong verb form
priority
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 to workers
instead
Linking Words
 of contrivances
technology
Use synonyms
, and
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
not undermine workers.
Additionally
Linking Words
, enhance their own practical skills and encourage them to perform better.

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language
Fix grammar and use simple form. Use short, clear sentences.
structure
Make your view clear in the first paragraph. Say if you agree or not, then give reasons.
coherence
Give one idea per paragraph. Start with a simple topic sentence and end with a link to the next idea.
content
Add more real, easy examples that fit the point.
strength
Your view is clear and you state your stance.
strength
You show two sides with 'On one hand' and 'On the other hand'.
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