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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph below shows the amount of tea and coffee imported by four countries

The graph below shows the amount of tea and coffee imported by four countries
The bar charts illustrate the
number
Use synonyms
 of
tea
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 and
coffee
Use synonyms
 imported by four nations
:
Punctuation problem
:
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 Canada, the United States, the United
Kingdom
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, and
Germany
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, the United
Kingdom
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 had the highest imported
tea
Use synonyms
 by far.
Whereas
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 it has had the lowest imports of
coffee
Use synonyms
 by
tonnes
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
Germany
Use synonyms
 had the highest
amount
Use synonyms
 of
coffee
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 imported by
tonnes
Use synonyms
. The United
Kingdom
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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had the highest by far
number
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 of
tea
Use synonyms
 imported , nearly 80000
tonnes
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.
Whereas
Linking Words
 Canada had the lowest
amount
Use synonyms
 of
tea
Use synonyms
 imported , around 20000
tonnes
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
Germany
Use synonyms
 between the highest and the lowest
number
Use synonyms
 of
tea
Use synonyms
 imported , just over 40000.
Germany
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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had the highest
number
Use synonyms
 of
coffee
Use synonyms
 imported , nearly 40000
tonnes
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,the United
Kingdom
Use synonyms
 had the lowest
amount
Use synonyms
 of
coffee
Use synonyms
 imported , around 30000
tonnes
Use synonyms
.
Whereas
Linking Words
, the United States between the highest and lowest
number
Use synonyms
 of
coffee
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 , 40000
tonnes
Use synonyms
. In Canada, it's become after the
amount
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 of
coffee
Use synonyms
 imported has become just below
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 40000.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, whereas".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, tea, coffee, kingdom, germany, tonnes, amount with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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