IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some say now we can see films on our phones, there is no need to go to cinema, other says to be fully enjoyed films need to be seen in a cinema. What is your opinion?

In modern society, we do not need to go to
Use synonyms
cinema
Correct article usage
the cinema
show examples
 to watch a
film
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
instead
Add a comma
instead,
show examples
 we watch a
film
Use synonyms
 on our phone at home. Some
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to watch a
film
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 way,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that going to
Use synonyms
cinema
Correct article usage
the cinema
show examples
 is the best way to watch a
film
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 will discuss
this
Linking Words
 debate and give my opinion. On the one hand, some
people
Use synonyms
 insist that we do not need to go to
Use synonyms
cinema
Correct article usage
the cinema
show examples
 to watch
films
Use synonyms
longer
Change preposition
for longer
show examples
. Today, we can watch
films
Use synonyms
 on our phones at home via OTT platforms
such
Linking Words
 as Netflix and
Disney
Punctuation problem
Disney,
show examples
 so
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 many
people
Use synonyms
 do not feel the need
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
cinema
Use synonyms
becase
Correct your spelling
because
 the OTT have
advntages
Correct your spelling
advantages
. One of the advantages is price and diversity.
Whereas
Linking Words
 we have to pay about 10 dollars per
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
person for watching a
film
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
cinema
Correct article usage
a cinema
show examples
, Netflix offers a variety of
films
Use synonyms
 for a month at a similar price per
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
household.
Linking Words
Thus
Punctuation problem
Thus,
show examples
 many
people
Use synonyms
 prefer watching
films
Use synonyms
 on their phones.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are some
people
Use synonyms
 who insist that
films
Use synonyms
 should be watched in
Use synonyms
cinema
Correct article usage
a cinema
show examples
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 I agree with. They believe that
films
Use synonyms
 can be enjoyed properly only when
seeing it
Verb problem
seen
show examples
 in the
cinema
Use synonyms
 with
big
Correct article usage
a big
show examples
 screen, grand
sounds
Fix the agreement mistake
sound
show examples
 and the mood of
cinema
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, I
belive
Use the right word
believe
show examples
 that going to
Use synonyms
cinema
Correct article usage
the cinema
show examples
 is the best way to enjoy
properly
Rephrase
apply
show examples
films
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
,
there
Correct word choice
while there
show examples
 are some
benfits
Correct your spelling
benefits
 of watching
films
Use synonyms
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
phones.

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task
State your view clearly in the first paragraph and keep it through the essay.
structure
Divide the body into two clear parts, each with one main idea and a short example.
coherence
Use linking words like 'also', 'but', 'for example', 'in addition' to connect ideas.
language
Check spelling and grammar (i should be I, becase -> because, advntages -> advantages, benfits -> benefits).
language
Keep sentences short and clear to avoid long, tangled phrases.
content
A clear position is present at the end of the essay.
coherence
The writer uses contrast words 'on the one hand' and 'on the other hand'.
content
There are examples tied to price and access from OTT platforms.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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