IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that those moving to abroad should try to adopt themselves to the new cultures while others think there is no need to do so. Discuss both the views and give your opinion

Many individuals
,
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apply
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who move abroad believe that
people
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 should accept the
culture
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 and traditions of the host
country
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,
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;
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Linking Words
however
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however,
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 others debate against it.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both sides of
discussion
Correct article usage
the discussion
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, and will explicate it
further
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. I agree with the former view because it helps a person to survive better in the new place.
Firstly
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, every
country
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 has its own traditions and
culture
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, which
is
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are
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 different from
the
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those
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other
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of other
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. So, when a person moves to a new nation, they need to learn the values of that
country
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 and try to adapt
it
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to it
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, in order to fit well. If
,
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apply
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 a person moving abroad is too rigid and
follow
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follows
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 their own ways, they will be isolated and won't be able to survive the atmosphere of that place.
Moreover
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, accepting the new
culture
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 promotes mutual respect among
people
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 of different
origin
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origins
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.
For example
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, in India, we never take
names
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the names
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 of elders
,
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;
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Linking Words
however
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however,
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 in
western
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Western
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countries
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countries,
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 we refer
everyone
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to everyone
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 by their names.
Therefore
Linking Words
, Indians moving to
such
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 countries need to adapt
this
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 habit, whether it is someone older than them or younger.
On the contrary
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, there is a section of society arguing that some cultural changes are unacceptable, no matter how hard they try. They refuse to let go of their ideologies and rules.
Such
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people
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 form
there
Use the right word
their
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 own small groups, and limit their social life to that. They are unable to adjust
in
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to
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 the new world,
hence
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 become reserved and
introvert
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introverted
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.
This
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 restricts them from going out, making friends and having fun in life.
For example
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, some Muslim women are forced to wear traditional clothes, even when they are out in a modern
country
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.
This
Linking Words
 makes them look weird and completely different from other
people
Use synonyms
 around them. Conclusively, there are some
people
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 who are open to a new
culture
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 and views and
understands
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understand
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 the importance of accepting them when they move to a new place.
However
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, there are others as well
,
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apply
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 who won't accept these changes at all. I believe that the former type is better than the latter because they understand the virtues and value of different traditional aspects.
Furthermore
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, their survival in a new nation becomes much easier
,
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apply
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 if they do not rebel against their ideas of living life.

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clarity
State your view at the start and keep it clear in every paragraph.
coherence
Add a strong topic sentence at the start of each paragraph.
cohesion
Link your ideas with simple words like also, but, however, therefore.
examples
Give one or two clear examples to back each point.
accuracy
Be careful with sensitive topics and keep facts neutral.
strength
Clear position is stated in the essay.
strength
Shows two sides of the issue.
strength
Conclusion repeats the view.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • integration
  • acceptance
  • community
  • customs
  • language
  • societal norms
  • cultural barriers
  • culture shock
  • heritage
  • identity
  • local way of life
  • multicultural
  • diversity
  • fusion
  • positive cultural exchange
  • unfamiliar environment
  • appreciation
  • respect
  • expat communities
What to do next:
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