IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many children today are overweight and unhealthy. Give the reasons why children are obese and offer solutions to fix this problem.

The world has greatly changed from the past . Many people say that
the
Correct article usage
an
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 unhealthy lifestyle is the lifestyle of
children
Use synonyms
 .
Children
Use synonyms
 today are overweight and very unhealthy .
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine what are the reasons for
this
Linking Words
problem
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 and
give
Verb problem
provide
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 solutions to solve
this
Linking Words
problem
Use synonyms
 .
One
Use the right word
On
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 the one hand ,
There
Fix capitalization
there
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 are many reasons for
being
Verb problem
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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children
Use synonyms
be
Wrong verb form
being
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 overweight and unhealthy . First , the
children
Use synonyms
 between 10 to 16 years are eating
an
Correct article usage
apply
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unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 .
For
Linking Words
example
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 , they are eating fast
food
Use synonyms
 for almost every meal .
Also
Linking Words
 , the unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 can cause them more problems
in
Change preposition
with
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 their health and life . Second , the big
problem
Use synonyms
 with the
children
Use synonyms
 is
they
Correct word choice
that they
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 don’t do any sports . The parents have to take their
children
Use synonyms
 to the gym to be healthy and fit . To support
them
Punctuation problem
them,
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 the school has to teach them about how to exercise properly .
Finally
Linking Words
 , the main reason for
being
Verb problem
apply
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the
children
Use synonyms
 unhealthy is not
get
Wrong verb form
getting
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 enough sleep .
For
Linking Words
example
Use synonyms
 , the body needs about 8 to 10 hours to recover
himself
Correct pronoun usage
itself
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.
In addition
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 , when the
children
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 sleep
early
Punctuation problem
early,
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 the brain will be more active in their lives
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
other
Correct word choice
next
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 day .
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , there are many solutions to solve
this
Linking Words
problem
Use synonyms
 . First , to be fit and healthy
the
Punctuation problem
, the
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 system of eating
food
Use synonyms
 must be scheduled by a doctor .
For
Linking Words
example
Use synonyms
 , the
children
Use synonyms
 should drink enough water to keep their bodies healthy.
Also
Linking Words
 , they should eat their
food
Use synonyms
 in a small dish . Second , the parents are the main source
of
Change preposition
for
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 their
children
Use synonyms
 to learn
from
Punctuation problem
from,
show examples
 so they have to help them to play
sports
Punctuation problem
sports,
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 even if they’re not available for
them
Punctuation problem
them,
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 they must teach them .
For
Linking Words
example
Use synonyms
 , if every parent teaches their
children
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 how to play football , the world will be better and
healthy
Replace the word
healthier
show examples
.
Also
Linking Words
 , the schools could do more activities in their yards to less of overweight
children
Use synonyms
 .
Finally
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 , the
children
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 can be better and healthier by having enough time to sleep . To explain it , the
children
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 have a weak body
so
Punctuation problem
, so
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 the higher time
of
Change preposition
apply
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sleep it will conserved energy to be more active and strong in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
 , sleeping
in
Change preposition
at
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 the perfect time keeps the
children
Use synonyms
 more stable to learn and study . In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
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 it is clear to see that there are many reasons why
children
Use synonyms
 are overweight.
However
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 , there are many solutions to solve
this
Linking Words
problem
Use synonyms
.

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planning
Plan more before you write. Make a clear plan with three parts: intro, body, and end. Put one main idea in each part.
structure
Use simple, clear sentences. Try to use one idea per sentence and connect them with words like first, next, also, finally.
content
Add details to each idea. For each reason and solution, give a short example or fact.
accuracy
Check grammar. Use correct verb forms and punctuation. Keep to simple forms and avoid long sentences.
conclusion
End with a short conclusion that restates the view and main point.
structure
There is an introduction and a clear end.
content
The essay lists several causes and ways to solve the problem.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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