IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

oos are sometimes seen as necessary but poor alternatives to a natural environment. Discuss some of the arguments for and against keeping animals in zoos as an IELTS topic and give your own opinion.

In
this
Linking Words
 contemporary era, there has been a contrasting view where one section of society believes that
zoos
Use synonyms
 are crucial in the
mordern
Correct your spelling
modern
world
Punctuation problem
world,
show examples
while
Linking Words
other
Fix the agreement mistake
another
show examples
 is of
mindset
Correct article usage
the mindset
show examples
 that having zoo have a negative impact on the environment .
This
Linking Words
 essay will elucidate
this
Linking Words
 statement in the subsequent paragraphs. To commence with,
zoos
Use synonyms
 play a vital role in understanding nature and its importance to human beings.
In other words
Linking Words
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
zoologist
Fix the agreement mistake
zoologists
show examples
 spend time with these
creature
Fix the agreement mistake
creatures
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mother earth
Fix capitalization
Mother Earth
show examples
 inside the zoo, which
assist
Verb problem
helps
show examples
 in understanding their behaviours and their
important
Replace the word
importance
show examples
 to our ecosystem. To exemplify, people who studied
raptiles
Correct your spelling
reptiles
 discovered antivenom for the venomous snake .
Hence
Linking Words
 , these shelters for wild animals aid mankind in many ways.
On the contrary
Linking Words
,
its
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 endangers the freedom and life of these wild animals by confining them in
zoos
Use synonyms
. To expound,
human kind
Use the right word
humankind
show examples
 for their benefit harms these animals by catching them and
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
conducting scientific experiments
Linking Words
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 well as they
also
Linking Words
 make some species live separately from their herd, which is not their natural habitat.
For instance
Linking Words
, most of the elephants lead to depression because they are left alone in the zoo
instead
Linking Words
 of their elephant family.
Thus
Linking Words
, these man-made prisons violate the rules of nature. To recapitulate,
this
Linking Words
 essay shows the brighter side of having by pointing out its benefits to humans and
also
Linking Words
 its negative impact on the wildlife. In my opinion,
zoos
Use synonyms
 are necessary for the development of the whole society, because they assist in developing medicine for various health-related problems.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Plan the essay. Start with a short intro that says the topic and your view. Then write one paragraph for the good side, one for the bad side, and a final line with your view.
structure
Put a clear topic sentence in each paragraph. This helps the reader know the point in that paragraph.
grammar
Fix grammar and spellings. Use simple and correct forms.
content
Give 2 or 3 clear examples and explain how they show your point.
lexical
Choose simple words and short sentences. This helps the score for vocabulary.
content
The writer tries to show both sides and makes a clear pick.
structure
Some real examples are used, like elephants.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: