IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Children today spend too much time on electronic devices such as smartphones and computers. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

The children's consumption
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 electronic
devices
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 iPhones and PC, have increased significantly these days.
This
Linking Words
 essay agrees with
this
Linking Words
 idea because young people are trying to get away from their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and they are taught from an early age. The
uasge
Correct your spelling
use
 of
electroinc
Correct your spelling
electronic
devices
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 risen lately
by
Change preposition
among
show examples
 young people because they are suffering from their reality. They struggle a lot when watching their parents fighting, so by playing video games or watching a YouTube channel a
method
Check wording
way
show examples
 to run from their reality.
For example
Linking Words
, once I asked my little brother about why
do you
Verb problem
he
show examples
keep
Correct subject-verb agreement
keeps
show examples
 playing for several hours, he said it annoyed me when I
see
Wrong verb form
saw
show examples
 our parents fighting, so I feel comfortable when
palying
Correct your spelling
playing
 on my PC, but after we solved our family issue, it resulted in a huge
different
Replace the word
difference
show examples
 in my brother. Another reason why children became addicted
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
electroinc
Correct your spelling
electronic
devices
Use synonyms
 is
their
Correct word choice
that their
show examples
 family taught them from an early age how to use those
devices
Use synonyms
. When you come back to your home, I am pretty sure that you will see your little brothers are
palying
Correct your spelling
playing
 on your mother's phone,
due to
Linking Words
 that, they build a habit of using
devices
Use synonyms
 since childhood. To illustrate, a vlogger named Omar
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 did a social
experience
Use the right word
experiment
show examples
 about allowing your
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
 to use your phone
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 most of them agreed
;
Punctuation problem
. In
show examples
in addition
Linking Words
, in order to make them quiet and happy, we have to give them
ours
Correct pronoun usage
our
show examples
 iPhone. In conclusion, family issues can be a reason why children's usage has
growth
Replace the word
grown
show examples
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 by allowing them to use their own phones
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 an early age, and I
therefore
Linking Words
 believe that
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 the two main points we should keep in mind.

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planning
Plan your essay. Use 3 clear reasons with a short, strong end.
language
Use simple and correct words. Check spell and make clear sentences.
coherence
Link ideas with simple words like 'first', 'then', 'also', 'but' to make flow.
content
Give clear, real life examples that fit the point you make.
content
The writer states a clear view on the topic.
coherence
There is an intro and a conclusion.
content
The essay shows some effort and personal touch.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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