IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Children today spend too much time on electronic devices such as smartphones and computers. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

The
children
Use synonyms
's consumption of electronic
devices
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as iPhones and PC, have increased significantly these days.
This
Linking Words
 essay agrees with
this
Linking Words
 idea because young people are trying to get away from their lives , and they are taught from an early age. The
use
Use synonyms
 of electronic
devices
Use synonyms
 has risen lately among young people because they are suffering from their reality. They struggle a lot when watching their parents fighting, so playing video games or watching a YouTube channel is a way to run from their reality.
For example
Linking Words
, once I asked my little brother about why he keeps playing for several hours, he said it annoyed me when I saw our parents fighting, so I feel comfortable when playing on my PC, but after we solved our family issue, it resulted in a huge difference in my brother. Another reason why
children
Use synonyms
 become addicted to electronic
devices
Use synonyms
 is that their family taught them from an early age how to
use
Use synonyms
 those
devices
Use synonyms
. When you come back to your home, I am pretty sure that you will see your little brothers playing on your mother's phone
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
due to
Linking Words
 that, they have built a habit of using
devices
Use synonyms
 since childhood. To illustrate, a vlogger named Omar
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 did a social experiment about allowing your
children
Use synonyms
 to
use
Use synonyms
 your phone
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 most of them agreed.
In addition
Linking Words
, in order to make them quiet and happy, we have to give them our iPhone. In conclusion, family issues can be a reason why
children
Use synonyms
's usage has grown , and by allowing them to
use
Use synonyms
 their own phones at an early age, I believe that these are the two main points we should keep in mind.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Start with a clear view in one sentence, then give two real reasons.
structure
Plan before you write. Use 4 paragraphs: intro, 2 body, conclusion.
coherence
Put one idea in each paragraph. Begin with a sentence that tells the idea.
coherence
Use simple link words to show order: First, Also, Then, For example, So.
examples
Use real and simple examples from home life. Avoid many names or hard words.
grammar
Check grammar: subject–verb, plural, and verb form. Use present simple.
language
Keep to common words; avoid long and rare words.
task response
You state a view on the topic.
coherence
There are ideas given to support your view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: