IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In
this
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 contemporary era, a significant number of
problems
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 have arisen related to environmental conditions,
while
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 governments are making efforts to handle them. Some people argue that the main environmental issue nowadays is the extinction of certain
species
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,
such
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 as plants and
animals
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,
while
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 others believe that there are other types of
problems
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 that are more essential.
This
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 essay will discuss both views and present my own opinion. On the one hand, some people believe that governments and society should be aware of the loss of particular
species
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 of plants or
animals
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.
Firstly
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, the extinction of animal
species
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 can disrupt the main food chain and bring about more catastrophes. More specifically, the loss of biodiversity affects the entire ecosystem; for that reason, communities should be aware of environmental issues. From my perspective, the government can establish specific zones for
animals
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 and
also
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 introduce legislative adjustments to prevent the loss of environmental
species
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.
On the other hand
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, another portion of people believe that there are more important
problems
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 which cannot be ignored.
For example
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, authorities should add new curricula in the education system to expand the sense of environmental awareness.
Nevertheless
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, it is undeniable that overcrowded human habitats create more pollution for nature. In my opinion, governments should act collectively for the same reason, which is associated with environmental protection. In conclusion, I strongly agree that all
problems
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 related to the environment are essential, especially the extinction of some
animals
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 and plants at the bottom level of the food chain. In the future, society will probably become more sensible, and a high number of new approaches will be simultaneously accepted.

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improvement
Explain both views in more depth with more detail and give clear, specific examples for each view. Make your own position very clear in the introduction and again in the conclusion.
improvement
Make the links between ideas stronger. Start each paragraph with a strong topic sentence and use linking words to show how ideas connect.
tip
Keep sentences simple and short where possible. Avoid long, hard phrases. Check grammar and word choice for accuracy.
tip
Use one clear position and repeat it in the conclusion. Do not say 'in my opinion' too often.
tip
Add a simple and concrete example for each view to strengthen argument.
structure
The essay shows a clear plan with introduction, two body paragraphs and a conclusion.
cohesion
It uses linking phrases like 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' to show contrast.
content
Some good ideas are used, like biodiversity and food chain, and the issue of education in curricula.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • extinction
  • habitat loss
  • ecosystem
  • food chain
  • imbalance
  • interconnected
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • personal actions
  • policy changes
  • education
  • awareness
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