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Writing Samples
Band 7

The chart below shows the total number of hours per month from 1980 to 2015 that people in the USA used modern technology divided into four categories. Summerise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the total number of hours per month from 1980 to 2015 that people in the USA used modern technology divided into four categories. Summerise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar graph illustrates four categories of technologies that Americans used from 1980 to 2015. At the beginning of the period, the
rate
Use synonyms
 of radio
usage
Use synonyms
 was the highest per month in 1980.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
rate
Use synonyms
 began to decline in 1995, and it became the lowest
rate
Use synonyms
 in 2015.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the figure for smartphone use was the lowest in 1980, but it increased extremely in 2015, unlike radio use.
In addition
Linking Words
, computer
usage
Use synonyms
 was increasing as time went by, and
finally
Linking Words
 it was
Change preposition
at the
show examples
the
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 highest
rate
Use synonyms
 among the other devices in 2015.
Also
Linking Words
, the
ratepf
Correct your spelling
rate
 of television
usage
Use synonyms
 increased more and more until 2010. After 2010, it suddenly decreased a little bit from approximately 201 to 159.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
rate
Use synonyms
 of smartphone
usage
Use synonyms
 became the most used among the others,
whereas
Linking Words
 radio
usage
Use synonyms
 showed the opposite trend. Television and computer
usage
Use synonyms
 had a similar result by increasing steadily.
Although
Linking Words
 the use of television dropped slightly in 2015, it showed a constant increase between 1980 and 2010, so it can be considered somewhat similar to the
overall
Linking Words
 trend of computer
usage
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words rate, usage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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