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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that students should focus solely on academic subjects, while others think it is equally important for them to learn creative skills like painting, music, and drama. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #students #focus #subjects #skills #music #drama
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There is no denying the fact that all kinds of lessons are important for
students
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.
While
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 it is commonly held belief that not all subjects are taught to
students
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 academically only, there is
also
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 the argument that
students
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 should learn everything in primary and secondary school so that when they graduate, they will choose which subject interests them.
This
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 essay will analyse
this
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 topic from both points of view and express my opinion. On the one hand, the
students
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, especially at the elementary level, need to focus on main topics like maths, biology, natural science, and history. These are fundamental subjects that form the basis of most careers and academic advancements. Without any distribution with other an unessential field,
students
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 can build a strong foundation.
Then
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 if they
take
Verb problem
apply
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both
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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neither focus
in
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on
show examples
 academic nor creative skills, they might lack the balance needed for future opportunities.
This
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 highlights the importance of prioritizing key areas of study.
On the other hand
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, giving a school child an opportunity to explore several subject matters is a great idea for them, but surely assume that the essential subjects should be taught more intensely than others. Music, drama, and art can contribute to a student's creativity and self-expression.
Then
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, they can divide their time between academics and music to achieve a better balance. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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 question. On balance,
however
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, I tend to believe that not all schools provide both forms of education.
Accordingly
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, families must choose which one is more efficient for the kids.
However
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, I cannot ignore that the rate of excellent
students
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 is higher in schools that provide one kind of education rather than different ones.
Submitted by reemabdullah395 on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance logical structure, ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by specific examples or details. This will strengthen the flow of your arguments.
task achievement
Develop your points further by providing more specific examples or evidence within the essay that can illustrate your arguments more effectively.
task achievement
Work on maintaining a balance between the discussion of both views to thoroughly address the question.
coherence cohesion
Ensure clarity by avoiding ambiguous statements and aim to express your ideas in a straightforward manner for better comprehension.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
task achievement
The attempt to discuss both viewpoints is evident, showing an understanding of the task requirements.
task achievement
The essay acknowledges the importance of different subjects in education, reflecting a balanced approach to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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