IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some argue that patriotism is the primary cause of wars globally. Others feel that it serves to prevent less ethical politicians from running a country and starting wars. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Wars
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 are caused by various reasons. One of the reasons is
patriotism
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. Many people believe that
patriotism
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 is the key cause
for
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of
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 the
war
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 in the world,
while
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 others think that
patriotism
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 helps to prevent corrupt leaders from getting into government. I believe both views are important , but I must insist that
patriotism
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 has a significant role in the creation of
wars
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. There are various reasons why people think
patriotism
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 is used to cause
war
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. One is a lack of resources and minerals. Many people can establish
wars
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 because they lack the basic amenities like water , shelter and food in their countries . Without these resources, they may die. Another reason is their religious belief.
Due to
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 their faith that anyone country can declare
war
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 on another country. A clear example is the
war
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 between Iran and the USA in 1999.
Also
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, the act of using patriotic rights and duties to prevent corrupt leaders into political offices is one of the advantages of
patriotism
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.
This
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 will prevent the leaders from creating
wars
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 and destruction.
This
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 act is shown in the election that happened in the USA (1981). Records show that there was 95% citizens came out to vote during the election.
Although
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,
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apply
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patriotism
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 has its benefits. The points stated above prove my opinion that
patriotism
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 plays a major role in the creation of
wars
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 in the world. The government should adapt policies and procedures to prevent the use of
patriotism
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 to create
wars
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 around the world

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structure
Make a clear plan. Start with a short intro, then 2 or 3 body ideas, and end with a short conclusion.
content
Use true and clear facts or examples. Some facts in the essay are not right.
language
Link ideas with simple connect words so the text flows well.
content
The essay shows you try to discuss both side of the topic.
structure
You give your own view which shows you take a stand.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • nationalism
  • xenophobia
  • aggressive policies
  • accountability
  • diplomacy
  • national unity
  • ethical political leadership
  • extreme patriotism
  • patriotic sentiment
  • diplomatic solutions
  • internal conflicts
  • external conflicts
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