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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows the type of music bought in the USA in 2010, by age group. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main points and make comparisons where relevant. Bar chart showing types of music bought in USA in 2010 by age group

The bar chart shows the type of music bought in the USA in 2010, by age group. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main points and make comparisons where relevant. Bar chart showing types of music bought in USA in 2010 by age group
The graph depicts the
sales
Use synonyms
 of
music
Use synonyms
 in
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
according to
Linking Words
 genre and
age
Use synonyms
 group in 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that
people
Use synonyms
 aged from 23 to 57 preferred
rock
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
music
Punctuation problem
music,
show examples
while
Linking Words
Use synonyms
pop
Correct article usage
the pop
show examples
 genre was sold the most among teenagers and young
adults
Use synonyms
. Elderly
people
Use synonyms
 over 58 listened to classical songs the most. To get into details, young
adults
Use synonyms
 between 16 and 22 bought
aroung
Correct your spelling
around
 4.8
millions
Fix the agreement mistake
million
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
pop
Use synonyms
music
Use synonyms
 recordings
while
Linking Words
 the figures for
rock
Use synonyms
music
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 1
million
Use synonyms
 less.
Also
Linking Words
, the
sales
Use synonyms
 of jazz and classical
music
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 both below 2
million
Use synonyms
.
Adults
Use synonyms
 aged mostly preferred
rock
Use synonyms
music
Use synonyms
4.2
Punctuation problem
, 4.2
show examples
million
Use synonyms
 sold among
23
Correct article usage
the 23
show examples
-31
age
Use synonyms
 group, 3.2
million
Use synonyms
 for
adults
Use synonyms
 aged 32 to 45 and 3.8
million
Use synonyms
 was bought by
people
Use synonyms
 aged 46-57.
Whereas
Linking Words
 the number of
pop
Use synonyms
 recordings sold was 3.5
million
Use synonyms
 among young
adults
Use synonyms
 aged between 23 and 31, the
sales
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 the lowest for 32-45 and 46-57
age
Use synonyms
 groups at 1.5
million
Use synonyms
. Jazz and Classical
music
Use synonyms
 recordings were sold between 2 and 3
million
Use synonyms
 in all three
age
Use synonyms
 groups. When it comes to elderly
people
Use synonyms
, they bought
rock
Use synonyms
,
pop
Use synonyms
 and jazz
recording
Fix the agreement mistake
recordings
show examples
 at almost
similar
Correct word choice
the same
show examples
 rate
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is 3
million
Use synonyms
. But the
sales
Use synonyms
 of classical
recording
Fix the agreement mistake
recordings
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 at
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 of 4.5
million
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sales, music, age, people, rock, pop, adults, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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