IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

One result of advances in medical care is that life expectancy has increased around the world. Do youn think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

In today`s fast-paced world,
Use synonyms
advance
Replace the word
advanced
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
 in
medical
Correct article usage
the medical
show examples
 field
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 the life span of
people
Use synonyms
 around the globe. In my opinion, heart transplant and other
organs
Fix the agreement mistake
organ
show examples
 replacement can be possible
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 benefits outweigh the drawbacks.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, advancement in medical therapy
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 everyone and has many advantages.
Due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, a person with
hearth
Use the right word
heart
show examples
 disease may solve their problem with heart surgery, as machines are more
Use synonyms
advance
Replace the word
advanced
show examples
 in
current
Correct article usage
the current
show examples
 time,
this
Linking Words
 may help in quick recovery.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 many
comon peroblems
Correct your spelling
common problems
 in joints and in other organs,
this
Linking Words
 can be done now with
leaser
Use the right word
laser
show examples
treatment
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 may prevent pain and
patient
Correct article usage
the patient
show examples
 can walk
gain
Use the right word
again
show examples
, which was not possible in past.
For example
Linking Words
, there was
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
research done by Western Sydney University which says
people
Use synonyms
suffer
Wrong verb form
suffering
show examples
with
Change preposition
from
show examples
 bone, heart and
joints problem
Fix the agreement mistake
joint problems
show examples
 now live 20 years longer than five decades ago
On the other hand
Linking Words
, few disadvantages
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as higher expense of
treatment
Use synonyms
, and more reliance on
technology
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
 treatments in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 body
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 worthy, but it is too costly at
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 time for normal
people
Use synonyms
, may
everyone cannot
Correct word order
not everyone can
show examples
 afford the expense.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, nowadays medical staff is more
relient
Correct your spelling
reliant
 on
technology
Use synonyms
 than their personal skill and knowledge ,
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 may
affect negatively
Correct word order
negatively affect
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the future of doctors.
However
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 may solve normal health problems by self with advanced
treatment
Use synonyms
 at
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
home
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as hair and skin problems.
For instance
Linking Words
, there was an article in the Times of India which mentioned there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 more benefits of having
Use synonyms
advance
Correct word choice
advanced
show examples
 machines in medical than its disadvantages
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
costly
Verb problem
being costly
show examples
, but
this
Linking Words
 may reduce the pain for
petient
Correct your spelling
patients
, and improve their health and
lifecycle
Check wording
lifespan
show examples
. In conclusion,
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
increased
Verb problem
has increased
show examples
 life span by
Use synonyms
advance
Replace the word
advanced
show examples
 medicines and
therapy
Fix the agreement mistake
therapies
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as knee replacements and
lever
Use the right word
liver
show examples
 transplant, with new
technology
Use synonyms
. I am
covinced
Correct your spelling
convinced
 that
advanteges outwiegh
Correct your spelling
advantages outweigh
 any
drawback
Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
show examples
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
higher
Correct article usage
the higher
show examples
 cost of
treatment
Use synonyms
.

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grammar
Improve grammar and spelling. Use short, clear sentences.
task response
Make your task response clearer. Give one main idea per paragraph and explain it well.
coherence
Link ideas with easy words. Use words like first, also, but, and therefore to join ideas.
examples
Use full and clear examples that fit your point. Say how the example shows your idea.
vocabulary
Use simple, common words. Do not use hard or long words.
content
You state a view on the topic.
content
You use examples to back your point.
structure
There is an attempt to discuss both sides.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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