IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

School should focus on teaching students how to be successful in the workforce and less helping them achieve academic success. Agree or disagree?

There is an ongoing debate between people who think that giving knowledge about being successful in
future
Use synonyms
 work is
major
Correct article usage
a major
show examples
 factor
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 pupils studying at school, rather than concentrating on academic education. From my
perspective
Add a comma
perspective,
show examples
 I support the first point and can say that focusing on
succeed
Wrong verb form
succeeding
show examples
 in career
assist
Correct subject-verb agreement
assists
show examples
 young
students
Use synonyms
 will be ready for challenging
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
 and enhances
problem-solution
Use the right word
problem-solving
show examples
 skills. One of the main positives of
this
Linking Words
 option is that
students
Use synonyms
 will be prepared for
future
Use synonyms
 challenges. If school tutors are teaching
students
Use synonyms
simplifying
Verb problem
to simplify
show examples
 complex tasks
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
workforce
Correct article usage
the workforce
show examples
, giving basic data about the
future
Use synonyms
 work ,
students
Use synonyms
 will
utilize
Change the spelling
utilise
show examples
 all
information
Correct article usage
the information
show examples
 which they absorbed in the past they can
struggle with
Verb problem
achieve
show examples
 success.
For example
Linking Words
, the most significant ability which
should have all employees
Correct word order
all employees should have
show examples
 in companies is co-operating. Pedagogy can teach them to operate together, ensuring collaborative presentations and activities. These can improve their
collaborating
Replace the word
collaboration
show examples
 skills and make it easy to operate in huge groups in the
future
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, special subjects preparing for
Use synonyms
future
Correct article usage
a future
show examples
 career help to enhance problem-solving abilities among
students
Use synonyms
. It is undeniable that well-developed skills of solving various issues help occupant to alleviate their work. The pattern atmosphere
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is caused by problems with digital devices, misunderstanding the specific program or
web-site
Use the right word
website
show examples
,
moreover
Linking Words
 arguments between colleagues, can affect to brain system and products
enormous
Correct article usage
an enormous
show examples
 amount is stress in
body
Correct article usage
the body
show examples
. Yet, if young pupils
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
learn how to solve it stress-free, they can prevent their mental health from
damages
Fix the agreement mistake
damage
show examples
.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 some individuals believe that
students
Use synonyms
out
Use the right word
ought
show examples
 to focus only on traditional education, it is more beneficial to get useful information about achieving
succeed
Replace the word
success
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
profession
Correct pronoun usage
their profession
show examples
.

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coherence and cohesion
The view is clear but ideas are not well linked. Use topic sentences to state the main idea in each paragraph and connect ideas with simple linking words.
grammar
Fix grammar and sentence form. Use shorter, clear sentences and avoid long, run-on lines that confuse the reader.
task response
Explain points more fully. Give one or two details that show why a point is true.
lexical resource
Use simple examples and clear words. Do not use hard words or ideas beyond common English.
task response
End with a strong conclusion that restates your view and shows the two main ideas you used in the essay.
content
The writer gives a clear view and tries to argue for it.
structure
There is an opening and a conclusion.
content
Some examples are used to support points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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