IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

It is often argued that it is essential to determine a clear border between
competition
Use synonyms
 and
cooperation
Use synonyms
 in different aspects of life.
While
Linking Words
 each stage of life has its requirements
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 can be provided through either
competition
Use synonyms
 or
cooperation
Use synonyms
 or both of them, I personally believe the best choice in various stages should be made based on development and growth in each stage. On the one hand, proponents of
competition
Use synonyms
 as the best strategy for people's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 believe that
competition
Use synonyms
 brings about development and improvement for individuals in two ways
mentally
Punctuation problem
: mentally
show examples
 and physically.
First,
Linking Words
competition
Use synonyms
 can force students to expand their personal skills. To put the case into perspective, many students try to get high scores in their exams. Reaching
this
Linking Words
 requires a lot of hard work to gain or improve their skills,
such
Linking Words
 as calculating or reading
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
 primary schools. For another, during a bike race, all competitors have to try hard to boost their physical
body features
Verb problem
fitness
show examples
 to be able to win
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
competition
Use synonyms
. Having said that,
cooperation
Use synonyms
 can be perceived as a contributing factor in achieving system success.
In other words
Linking Words
, people need to work together to
touch
Verb problem
achieve
show examples
 system or group goals. Take employees in the sales department as an example. All employees have to work together to raise the sales rate
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is the main target in their company
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 individual efforts might not cover it.
Additionally
Linking Words
, group sports
such
Linking Words
 as football are a clear instance that indicates
without
Correct word choice
that without
show examples
 collaborating, they cannot triumph.
While
Linking Words
 two teams are competing with one another, all players have to cooperate.
Therefore
Linking Words
, regarding the situation we are placed in, different strategies would be needed.
To sum up
Linking Words
, we should strike a balance between
competition
Use synonyms
 and
cooperation
Use synonyms
 with regard to the circumstances we are in. In individual activities,
competition
Use synonyms
 may be perceived
the
Change preposition
as the
show examples
 best strategy
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
cooperation
Use synonyms
 is best for social projects.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
State your main view clearly in the first paragraph and keep the same idea in all parts. Link each example to the point you make so it shows a clear link.
task response
Grow each idea with one or two simple details. Use real life examples and explain how they show the point you make.
coherence
Use easy and plain linking words to show how ideas connect, e.g., also, but, therefore, for example.
coherence
Make each paragraph focus on one main idea. Start with that idea and end with a line that links to the next paragraph.
overall structure
The essay has a clear view that balance is important.
content handling
It gives examples from school, sport, and work to show both sides.
structure
An intro and a closing sentence are present.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
What to do next:
Look at other essays: