IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Fewer and fewer people walk on a daily basis. What are the reasons and what can be done to encourage them to spend their time walking?

Walking is the best scientifically proven method of exercise, which allows human beings to keep in shape
as well as
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keeping
Wrong verb form
keep
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 their bodies away from various sets of chronic illnesses
such
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 as hypertension, diabetes, heart and kidney associated diseases.
This
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 essay will describe the two most common causes involving in reduced walking,
moreover
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 how
population
Correct article usage
the population
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 can be motivated towards
this
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 exercise. At
top
Correct article usage
the top
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 of the list, the main cause of reduced fondness
to
Change preposition
for
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 walking is the pace the world is moving. To understand it better, it can be said that to keep up with the world and fight against financial crisis,
nation
Correct article usage
a nation
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 usually
spend
Correct subject-verb agreement
spends
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 a lot of
time
Use synonyms
 working at
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its
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 office.
Morever
Correct your spelling
Moreover
after
Punctuation problem
, after
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 their office work, they tend to spend their hour on their personal business, which takes up a lot of
time
Use synonyms
 from their days
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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,
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apply
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 it's almost like there is no
time
Use synonyms
 for any physical movement other than taking rest.
Second
Add a comma
Second,
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 yet another most important cause is
,
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apply
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 wasting too much
time
Use synonyms
 on social media , which advertises false hopes about the different diet plans to make bodies healthier ,rather than doing physical workouts. People watch
this
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 type of news and think that they need to focus on diet rather than walking a mile or two for half an hour , which surely is the best way to manage one's health.
However
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, there is no better way
than
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apply
show examples
to encourage people to walk than to raise
the
Correct article usage
apply
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individual awareness and teach communities about the benefits and effects of walking on both physical and mental health. Communities can arrange various events with winning prizes that focus on walking for a certain amount of distance.
In addition
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, they can make parks and sidewalks where society can enjoy their moment
while
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 walking. In conclusion, it can be said that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 nothing can become
a
Correct article usage
an
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 alternative to walking. Even though
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 men and women are spending a lot of
time
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
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working and going through social media, they should always keep a certain amount of
hour
Fix the agreement mistake
hours
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, like 30-40
mins
Use the right word
minutes
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 in the day, where they can walk. Communities can play a great role in achieving
this
Linking Words

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general
Use short plain words and small sentences. Start each part with a clear idea.
structure
Make the two big ideas in the middle easy to see with one short sentence for each. Then give a small example.
conclusion
Finish with a short end that repeats the main idea.
coherence
Use linking words to show how ideas are joined (and, also, but, because).
structure
You show a good plan to talk about causes and how to fix.
content
You state that walking is good for health clearly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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