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Band 4.5

Discipline is an ever increasing problem in modern schools. Some people think that discipline should be the responsibility of teachers, while others think that this is the role of parents. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

In recent
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
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, a lack of
discipline
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 has increased among
students
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. Some individuals argue that
teachers
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 should be responsible for instilling
self-control
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;
however
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, others contend that it is the primary duty of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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parents
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 to shape
children
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's
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behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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.
Although
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 both play a role, I believe
parents
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 hold the
greator
Correct your spelling
greater
 responsibility for developing
discipline
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 in their
children
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. On the one hand, many individuals support the view that
teachers
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 are accountable for instilling
discipline
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 in
students
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 because schools have a structured environment where
rule
Fix the agreement mistake
rules
show examples
 can be enforced consistently. To exemplify, in school,
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 can set boundaries by implementing
regulation
Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
show examples
 and rewarding good
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behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
, which would encourage
students
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 to follow instructions.
Moreover
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,
this
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 can
also
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 be attributed to the fact that
teachers
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 are professionally trained to observe and
response
Replace the word
respond
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 to
student's
Check wording
students'
show examples
Use synonyms
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
,
such
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 understanding helps them to connect with
children
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 and
instill
Change the spelling
instil
show examples
self-control
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effeciently
Correct your spelling
effectively
,
whereas
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
such
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 skills often
lacks
Correct subject-verb agreement
lack
show examples
 in
parents
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.
Therefore
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, educators
often
Verb problem
are often
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 regarded as central figures in promoting
discipline
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.
On the other hand
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, critics maintain that
parents
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 should be the primary figures in developing
discipline
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 because
children
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's first lessons begin at home.
Although
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parents
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 generally are not trained, they still can
instill
Change the spelling
instil
show examples
self-control
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 through daily
intreactions
Correct your spelling
interactions
.
For instance
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, if
parents
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 always
demonstarte puncuality
Correct your spelling
demonstrate punctuality
 and respect at home,
children
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more
Verb problem
are more
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 likely to adopt these norms in society and schools.
In contrast
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, if these norms
ignored
Verb problem
are ignored
show examples
 by their guardians, it becomes difficult for
teachers
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 to develop
self-control
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 in
students
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.
Hence
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, it is evident that
Use synonyms
parents
Check wording
parents'
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 efforts are indispensable for building
discipline
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 in
children
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's lives. In conclusion,
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While
Fix capitalization
while
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teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
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 are
hold
Wrong verb form
held
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 accountable
Change preposition
for
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shaping
student's
Check wording
students'
show examples
Use synonyms
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 as they have
resource
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resources
show examples
 and are trained,
parents
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 play a major part by
devloping
Correct your spelling
developing
discipline
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 in
children
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 at their early age.

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content
The essay shows both sides and has a clear end view.
content
Some ideas are not well built. Add clearer points and more easy examples.
language
Fix spelling and grammar. Use small, simple sentences.
coherence
Make the links between ideas stronger. Use words such as first, then, also, and but.
content
The text has an idea of both sides and your view.
organization
There is an introduction and a short conclusion.
content
Examples are used to show ideas.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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