Many parents, mostly mothers, stay at home to take care of the house and look after children. Many believe that the government should pay them a wage for this. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is often argued that some progenitors, particularly housewives, spend most of their time at home raising their children.
However
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, some people advocate that the capital government should pay them a salary. I personally agree that their efforts and time should be paid for by the authorities.
To begin
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with, talking from the perspective of a new mother, I can confidently state that moms dedicate their lives to their young sons and daughters. To go in depth, since an infant's birth, women spend sleepless nights taking care of them, and they can barely sleep, until those babies rest in a comfortable slumber.
Moreover
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, it has been found that 60% of wives all over the world suffer from depression
due to
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motherhood
Correct article usage
the motherhood
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challenges that they encounter.
Similarly
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, breastfeeding is considered to be one of the most frustrating practices that raises stress among new mothers. In spite of that, the mental well-being medication and treatment costs so much
,
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apply
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that not all folks can afford them.
As a result
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, moms need funding from governance sectors. It is
also
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acknowledged that many procreator, especially moms, sacrificed their education, fitness and peaceful moments and chose to stay in their own house rather than completing their university studies.
In other words
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, they put their young kids as a priority over everything.
For instance
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, some of them may suffer from chronic diseases
such
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as high blood pressure and diabetes , but they overlook their health for the sake of their kids' wellness.
Furthermore
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, some might
also
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complain about juvenile requirements, which can cause them financial burden. In
this
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case, some might sell their car or rent part of their house to gain some income.
Therefore
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, I truly advocate the fact that they should have a monthly salary for all the reasons stated above. In conclusion, I fully believe that parents, especially women, need to be paid for the physical and mental efforts they spend in parenting their children. As mothers and fathers go through a lot of obstacles in many aspects ,
such
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as well-being and education, governments should provide them with money.

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task response
Task response: Your view is clear but add more strong reasons. Mention both sides a little and note any limits or costs. Also restate your view in the end.
coherence
Coherence and cohesion: Start each paragraph with a clear main idea. Use simple links like first, also, but, then, finally. Avoid long, mixed sentences. Check that every sentence fits the idea.
strength
You give a clear choice and keep it in the essay.
strength
There is a clear intro, body and conclusion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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