IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe a children should stay at school until the age of 18 other . People believe that children should be allowed to leave school when they are 14 year old Discuss both these views and give your own opinion .

In recent times , education has been a topic of interest
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
 some might hold the belief that people believe
children
Use synonyms
 should be allowed to leave
school
Use synonyms
 when they are 14
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 old .
Linking Words
however
Fix capitalization
However
show examples
, I hold the view that
children
Use synonyms
 should stay at
school
Use synonyms
 until the age of 18
other
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
. The following essay will shed light on these
view points
Use the right word
viewpoints
show examples
. On the one hand , it is essential to acknowledge the significant advantages associated with
children
Use synonyms
should stay
Wrong verb form
staying
show examples
 at
school
Use synonyms
 until the age of 18
other
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
. A critical consideration is that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 higher education opportunities
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
highlight
Correct subject-verb agreement
highlights
show examples
 that
enhance
Correct pronoun usage
they enhance
show examples
 work and widen knowledge .
finished
Wrong verb form
Finishing
show examples
 high
school
Use synonyms
 plays an important role in
help
Replace the word
helping
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 pursue professional careers
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as doctors , teachers , and engineers
Punctuation problem
. In
show examples
in
Linking Words
addition
Punctuation problem
addition,
show examples
an other
Use the right word
another
show examples
 important point to
emphasize
Change the spelling
emphasise
show examples
 is
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 many
opprtuni
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 to look for a job with high income .
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , it is crucial to examine the opposing
view point
Use the right word
viewpoint
show examples
 that
children
Use synonyms
 should be allowed
leave
Verb problem
to leave
show examples
school
Use synonyms
 when they are 14 years old . A key factor to explore is that , maybe looking for
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work and
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 income
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
under cores
Correct your spelling
undercores
 that could help
family
Correct article usage
the family
show examples
 and worry about life
further
Linking Words
more
Punctuation problem
. more
show examples
 it is essential to highlight that
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 more time to apprentice and
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
much time
rest
Verb problem
to rest
show examples
 .
Inconclusion
Use the right word
In conclusion
show examples
despite
Punctuation problem
, despite
show examples
 of benefits that
children
Use synonyms
 should stay at
school
Use synonyms
 until the age
18
Change preposition
of 18
show examples
Punctuation problem
, other
show examples
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 could offer to help the country have quality human resources
an
Use the right word
and
show examples
 develop . I’m of the opinion that
children
Use synonyms
 leave
school
Use synonyms
 when they are 14
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
 old .
the
Fix capitalization
The
show examples
 future will affect the country’s development
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
cannot keep up with today’s digital technology.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
State one clear view and keep it. Do not flip between sides.
structure
Use a simple intro that restates the topic and states your position.
organization
Make each paragraph have one main idea with a short sentence to show reason.
content
Support each idea with a small and clear example.
grammar
Check grammar: subject, verb, and plural forms.
conclusion
End with a short conclusion that repeats your view.
content
The essay tries to cover both sides and adds a personal view.
content
It has ideas about jobs and income.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: