IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

There are
lot
Correct article usage
a lot
show examples
 of arguments inside communities inside workplaces, educational institutes and in
othe
Correct your spelling
other
 activities associated with
livlihood
Correct your spelling
livelihood
 involving whether
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 they should compete
between
Change preposition
with
show examples
 each other or they should work together to reach the achievement as a team.
This
Linking Words
 essay will demonstrate why cooperation is more important than
competition
Use synonyms
. At the beginning, having
competition
Use synonyms
 is the single most important thing in schools and offices.
This
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 allows the participants to come up with new skills and knowledge which, can be very much beneficial to the company
as well as
Linking Words
 to their daily life.
In addition
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,
people
Use synonyms
 can
thrive more
Verb problem
strive
show examples
 to perform better in their exams
as well as
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in
Change preposition
at
show examples
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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.
For example
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, sellers in a
paper selling
Use the right word
paper-selling
show examples
 institute try very hard to sell more than their co-workers to get better rewards
at the end
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 of the month
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 increased amount in salary.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 increased selling
competition
Use synonyms
 makes more profit for the company itself.
However
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 very much forget about their co-workers in these competitions.
As a result
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 of
this
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, both
beginner level
Use the right word
beginner-level
show examples
 students and workers get left behind. Students fail in their exams and officers fail
do to
Correct word order
to do
show examples
 their job. There is a study involving the representatives from the same company who, tried to sale the same product to different local shops, divided in two groups where, one group was busy in
competition
Use synonyms
 and the other group was told to cooperate. The results were shocking
even
Punctuation problem
, even
show examples
 though it's the most competitive job
it
Punctuation problem
, it
show examples
 was found that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 the sales made by those representatives in
competition
Use synonyms
. declined as they were
passing
Verb problem
spending
show examples
 more time
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
fighting each other than vouching for the product at the vendors.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, representatives who
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 were working as a community sold more products as a whole team than they
can
Wrong verb form
could
show examples
 sell as a single person or as competitors. In conclusion, it can be said from above description, is to that both
competition
Use synonyms
 and cooperation are necessary but,
people
Use synonyms
 needs to keep their focus on the goal and not forget about the workers and the slow learning students at various institution. To achieve the harmony
in addition
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 with making the workplace better
people
Use synonyms
 should not forget about their partners, friends and help each other first and work together.

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task response
Make your view clear in the introduction and restate it in the conclusion.
planning
Plan your answer before writing. Put 3-4 main ideas in order and stick to them.
grammar
Use shorter sentences. Check pronouns, grammar and spelling to be accurate.
examples
Give examples that are easy to explain and show how they support your point.
coherence
Use linking words to guide the reader (for example, however, also, in addition).
task response
The writer tries to cover both sides and adds a personal view.
coherence
There are some examples to back up ideas.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
What to do next:
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