IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

大作文 In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing.Do you think this is a positive or a negative development

It is true that in multiple
countries
Punctuation problem
countries,
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 rural residents are relocating to cities, which makes the population in the
countryside
Use synonyms
 or suburbs decrease. There could be several reasons for
this
Linking Words
, and I consider it a negative development. In recent years,
people
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are
Wrong verb form
have been
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 attracted
by
Change preposition
to
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 cities’ higher pay and convenient living environment. You can’t find any rural place that has equal salaries or the facilities that make your life more comfortable. I think no one can resist having a 24-hour grocery shop beside
your
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 house, and these are conditions that the
countryside
Use synonyms
 cannot provide. So it makes sense that these
people
Use synonyms
 want to move into cities. In my view, the changes have brought some drawbacks,
such
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 as creating an ageing rural population and urban overcrowding. Because a large number of working-age
people
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 move to urban places, the
countryside
Use synonyms
 only has the elderly and children.
Sometimes
Punctuation problem
Sometimes,
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 kids cannot get proper discipline from their grandparents, since those elderly
people
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 don’t have enough energy to keep an eye on the kids all the time. And these moving working-age populations can
also
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 cause some problems.
Although
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 they can enrich the metro area’s human resources,
this
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 makes the metro area become more crowded, and
this
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 might affect the living conditions. In order to solve the problem, governments should lead some rural development projects to
minimize
Change the spelling
minimise
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 the gap between the
countryside
Use synonyms
 and urban areas. In conclusion, to narrow the urban–rural gap and stop
people
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 from leaving the
countryside
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, the government has to work closely with the public.

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structure
Plan your essay before writing. Put a plan that has one idea per paragraph.
task
Give a balanced view. Say both good and bad and then pick a view.
content
Add more clear examples or facts to prove your points.
cohesion
Use linking words to show how ideas join, like first, then, but, so.
language
Check grammar so words fit right. Make phrases easy and correct.
structure
The essay shows a clear view and state it in the intro.
cohesion
Linking words help move from idea to idea.
content
There is a full essay with an intro, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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