IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people who care for the elderly do not have enough time to look after them. What are the problems related to this? What are some possible solutions?

A large number of individuals who take on the responsibility of taking
care
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 of the elderly often fail to allocate sufficient time for
this
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 obligation. In
this
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 essay, I will evaluate the potential issues related to
this
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 situation before proposing some effective solutions that can mitigate them. Since the elderly are often susceptible to silent falls
due to
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 their inherently weaker physical states, without close supervision, these accidents can happen, leading to other health complications and making the
care
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 even more intense and challenging.
Furthermore
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,
caregivers
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 may have to handle other professional obligations during the time of caring for the elderly, resulting in an insufficient balance between aspects of their lives and eventually degrading their well-being. One of the best solutions is hiring medical professionals who have expertise in taking
care
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 of older
people
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, which can alleviate the burden on
caregivers
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while
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 ensuring the comfort of older
people
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.
This
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 should be aided by the government since the cost is often expensive and cannot be paid by families.
In addition
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, free consultations for caretakers to express their feelings and plan their lives better should be provided by the government, which leads to a better balance for these
people
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 and makes the
care
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 for the elderly more sustainable.
To sum up
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, since allocating enough time for taking
care
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 of the elderly can be an enormous challenge for many
caregivers
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, it is common for old
people
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 to receive insufficient
care
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,
while
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 burnout is prevalent among
caregivers
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. In order to mitigate these issues, the government should help each family hire medical professionals once older
people
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 get sick and provide free support for
people
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 who directly take
care
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 of older
people
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Task
Add more facts to back each point and make the link from problem to fix clear.
Coherence
Make one main idea in each paragraph and keep the language simple so it is easy to read.
Content
The essay keeps the topic and gives a plan for problem and fix.
Structure
Intro and conclusion are present, so the essay feels like a full piece.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • burnout
  • neglect
  • emotional distress
  • social interaction
  • mental stimulation
  • financial costs
  • community care services
  • respite care
  • telehealth services
  • flexible work arrangements
  • caregiver leave policies
  • support networks
  • emotional support
  • monitoring systems
  • training programs
  • interpersonal strain
What to do next:
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