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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph shows the information for internet users as percentage of population in three countries from 1999 and 2009

The line graph shows the information for internet users as percentage of population in three countries from 1999 and 2009
The given line graph depicts the information about the total consumption of
internet
Use synonyms
 users in three different countries: the
USA
Use synonyms
,
Mexico
Use synonyms
 and
Canada
Use synonyms
over
Punctuation problem
, over
show examples
 the time period of 20 years
respectively
Punctuation problem
, respectively
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the data that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 a much larger percentage of Canadians and Americans had access to the
internet
Use synonyms
 in comparison with Mexicans. Amongst all,
Canada
Use synonyms
 experienced the rapid growth in
internet
Use synonyms
 usage. In 1999, the proportion of people who owned
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 in the
USA
Use synonyms
 was about 20 %.
While
Linking Words
 the figures for
Canada
Use synonyms
 and
Mexico
Use synonyms
 were 5 % and 10 % respectively. In 2005, the numbers for both the
USA
Use synonyms
 and
Canada
Use synonyms
 rose to 70 %, and for
Mexico
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, it reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
30 %. By the end of 2009, the percentage of individuals who implemented
Use synonyms
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 extensively in
Canada
Use synonyms
 exceptionally increased to 100 %,
while
Linking Words
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
USA
Use synonyms
, it
surpassed
Verb problem
had surpassed
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 the ratio of 80 %.
Similarly
Linking Words
,
Mexico
Use synonyms
 recorded the percentage of 40 % people who used
internet
Use synonyms
 at the of 2009
accordingly
Linking Words
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words internet, usa, mexico, canada with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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