IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The number of outweigh children in developed countries is increasing. Some people think this is due to problems such as the growing number of fast-food outlets. Others believe that parents are to blame for not looking after their children’s health. To what extent do you agree with these views?

It is argued that the
growth nember
Check wording
number
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
childrens
Check wording
children's
show examples
 obesity in developing countries is
rissing
Correct your spelling
rising
. Many people
belived
Correct your spelling
believed
 that the availability of
fast-foods
Use the right word
fast food
show examples
 is a big reason
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 others said is parental
influnce
Correct your spelling
influence
 is the main reason.
This
Linking Words
 esay agrees with the statement that
parents
Use synonyms
 should cntrol their
childrens
Use synonyms
food
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 fast-
food
Use synonyms
 is a pleasent option for other. On the one hand, it is considered by many that
parents
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 the choice for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
healthy
food
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
because
Verb problem
is because
show examples
 the
children
Use synonyms
trusts
Correct subject-verb agreement
trust
show examples
 their
parents
Use synonyms
 for
what ever
Use the right word
whatever
show examples
 they give them
Punctuation problem
, either
show examples
either was
Verb problem
whether it is
show examples
 a healthy
food
Use synonyms
 or
unhealthy
Correct article usage
an unhealthy
show examples
 one.
For example
Linking Words
, a recent study shows that many adults who takes care of their
childrens
Use synonyms
 eating habits and diets have healthy and active
childrens
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 need to be strict with their
children
Use synonyms
 when it
come
Correct subject-verb agreement
comes
show examples
 to
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
 and eating healthy meals.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is commonly believed that communtites always take the esay choice for the
food
Use synonyms
 after hard day.
This
Linking Words
 because many people does not have the time or the energy to do a decent meal that have good calories and nutrients suplyes.
For instance
Linking Words
, a reaserch found out that many employments do not have a huge time or even money to bring a good meal either for their family or themselves. In conclusion, there are many reasons for
children
Use synonyms
 to obatins outweigh and it is differents from family to other. In my obinion, the
parents
Use synonyms
 have to put a good and balanced diet for their
children
Use synonyms
 to be healthy.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
State your view clearly in the intro and keep it in all body parts.
task response
Give strong reasons that fit the view you take, and add a clear finish in the conclusion.
task response
Try to discuss both sides more evenly, not only one side.
task response
Use simple, real examples and explain how they show your idea.
coherence
Make each paragraph have one main idea and a clear topic sentence.
coherence
Use linking words to show order and contrast (First, Also, But, However, For example).
coherence
Keep sentences short and clear. Check grammar and spelling.
structure
The essay shows an easy to read plan and a clear view on the topic.
structure
There are attempts to discuss side points and to use examples.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: