IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people around the world are choosing move to live in cities. What problems do people experience in big cities? Should governments encourage people to move to smaller towns?

A lot of
people
Use synonyms
 are starting to migrate towards big
cities
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 for better opportunities and
services
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 .
However
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,
this
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 can cause fewer
job
Use synonyms
 opportunities and insufficient facilities. I believe that the government should encourage
people
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 to shift to smaller towns
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 by introducing new
job
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 opportunities and enhancing basic
services
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. The most obvious disadvantage
,
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apply
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 of
this
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 mass migration is
job
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 shortages. When
such
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 an event happens, the city is eventually overpopulated.
As a result
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, the
job
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 requirement goes considerably higher;
Moreover
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, the vacancies for jobs are not enough to meet the requirements of the city's residents.
As a result
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, there is mass unemployment. In
Punjab
Correct article usage
the Punjab
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 region of Pakistan, it was found that the majority of its populace were residing in
cities
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 like Lahore and Islamabad , and these
cities
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 were unable to provide enough work
oppurtunity
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 for everyone.
Therefore
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, the government should develop
job
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oppurtunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 in the smaller towns to provide its residents with livelihood, and prevent them from moving to
cities
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. Another disadvantage of
this
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 is the shortage of facilities like healthcare and education. With a greater population, the once sufficient
services
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 the city had are now not enough. The hospitals and schools are short-staffed, which results in inefficient treatment and education. In Pakistan, Hospitals like Shifa International Hospital are crowded with patients
Punctuation problem
;
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hence
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, doctors and nurses are unable to give the proper time to the patients.
This
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 can be tackled by improving the basic
services
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 in the rural
areas
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.
This
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 will encourage the locals to stay rather than to migrate to urban
areas
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. In conclusion,
Linking Words
Although
Fix capitalization
although
show examples
this
Linking Words
 mass movement of
people
Use synonyms
 to urban
areas
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 leads to fewer
job
Use synonyms
oppurtunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 and inadequate facilities, the government can introduce
such
Linking Words
services
Use synonyms
 and jobs in rural
areas
Use synonyms
 to encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to move to smaller towns.

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task response
Have a clear opening that states your view and a closing that repeats it.
coherence
Place each idea in its own paragraph with a clear topic sentence.
coherence
Use simple links to show cause and effect, like 'because', 'so', 'therefore'.
language
Check spelling and grammar, and use plain words. Break long sentences into 2 short ones.
examples
Give a real and clear example for each point to back up your view.
content
Clear view and a call for change.
coherence
Use of cause and effect links to show why change is needed.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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