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Writing Samples
Band 4

the diagram showing the structure and use of solar panel. summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main feay=tures and make comparisons where relevant.

the diagram showing the structure and use of solar panel. summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main feay=tures and make comparisons where relevant.
The process illustrates the structure and utilizing of an ordinary solar panel.
Overall
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, there are three main steps
,
Punctuation problem
:
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first,
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construct the box,
then
Linking Words
 replace it with
heat
Use the right word
hot
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air
Use synonyms
Linking Words
then
Punctuation problem
, then
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 with
heat
Use the right word
hot
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 water.
Firstly
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, a
box transparent
Correct word order
transparent box
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 with a top.
Then
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 it moved to a place with
a
Correct article usage
the
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 sun. The case has an inlet which transmits the cool
air
Use synonyms
 in.
Also
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, it has an outlet which removes the warm
air
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
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this
Linking Words
 type of
air
Use synonyms
 becomes higher in temperature because of the energy given by the sun. The main reason why
this
Linking Words
 power is needed
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 is the fact that it helps to general operation of the panel. The second one is to heat the water. The same thing , but with some changes in the construction of the box. The modification which was made is the water pipe.
This
Linking Words
 thing is necessary for the process since liquid needs to be delivered to the outlet , and
while
Linking Words
 it occurs , the temperature is getting hotter
Punctuation problem
, like
show examples
like
Change preposition
as
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 it was in the first one. In conclusion , the process of how a simple solar panel is structured and used was shown

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words air with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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