IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The number of outweigh children in developed countries is increasing. Some people think this is due to problems such as the growing number of fast-food outlets. Others believe that parents are to blame for not looking after their children’s health. To what extent do you agree with these views?

I agreed that both the growing number of
fast-food
Use synonyms
 outlets and parenting can influence children to become overweight. But
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 there are
also
Linking Words
 other factors that can affect the youngsters.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, families who live in well-developed countries would have different choices of
restaurant
Fix the agreement mistake
restaurants
show examples
 when it comes to feasting. The choices will be even more
vary
Replace the word
varied
show examples
 if the families live in an urban area, the growth of
fast-food
Use synonyms
 has made a big impact on the people because of how quick and easy it
takes
Verb problem
is
show examples
 to order. Most families order from
fast-food
Use synonyms
 restaurants because they are convenient
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the majority of meals listed in these outlets are typically a no-brainer choice of food.
For example
Linking Words
, pizza,
burger
Fix the agreement mistake
burgers
show examples
 and fries, these foods are the prime
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
show examples
 of being overweight and out of shape.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, parents are
also
Linking Words
 one of the crucial factors
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their younglings becoming overweight. Some parents
chose
Wrong verb form
choose
show examples
 convenience over quality,
this
Linking Words
 is because finding proper food can be
time consuming
Use the right word
time-consuming
show examples
 and expensive. Apart from being quick and easy to order,
Use synonyms
fast-food
Use the right word
fast food
show examples
 is
also
Linking Words
 cheap and affordable. Sometimes, food with high nutrients can be costly
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 not every family
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 afford to pay for an expensive dish for every meal. In conclusion, I believe that both factors are important in children becoming overweight. But,
Correct article usage
a fiance
show examples
fiance
Use the right word
fiancé
show examples
 is
also
Linking Words
 an important reason to consider
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
buying
Use synonyms
fast-food
Use the right word
fast food
show examples
 can be low-cost and convenient.
Thus
Linking Words
, it would make sense for parents to buy
Use synonyms
fast-food
Use the right word
fast food
show examples
 for more than one meal a day.

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Task Response
State your view clearly in the first paragraph and restate it in the end.
Coherence
Make a short plan before you write: one idea per paragraph and a clear topic sentence for each paragraph.
Lexical Resource/Grammatical Range
Use simple and correct words; avoid wrong forms like fiance and younglings.
Task Response
Give one strong example for each point and explain how it supports your view.
Editing
Check spelling and grammar to make your writing easy to read.
Content
Clear main idea of discussing two causes.
Structure
Basic structure with intro, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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