IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that there should be fixed punishment fo each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

There are two different views about deciding on the
punishment
Use synonyms
 for each type of
crime
Use synonyms
. A part of society believes we must
place
Verb problem
impose
show examples
 fixed
punishment
Use synonyms
 for
anyone
Check wording
everyone
show examples
,
Linking Words
Whereas
Fix capitalization
whereas
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 another sector
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
show examples
 opinion and they say that it’s dependent on some
agents
Check wording
factors
show examples
 like circumstances and motivations
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
Personally
Add a comma
Personally,
show examples
 I think that we should
notice
Verb problem
consider
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 all factors which are related to crimes.
This
Linking Words
 essay will look into both ideas and
finally
Linking Words
 outline my opinion. The first part of people believes that some agents
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
including circumstances and
motivations
Punctuation problem
motivations,
show examples
 must be
noticed
Verb problem
considered
show examples
 in the
punishment
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. The main reason for
this
Linking Words
 view is that everyone has different mental features in any kind of situation
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
in resulting
Wrong verb form
as a result,
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 they might not
do
Verb problem
commit
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 that
crime
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 if they had a different position.
As a result
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,
They
Fix capitalization
they
show examples
 think it’s not fair if these factors are not concerned.
Secondly
Linking Words
, another side of society believes that we should have
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
equal rule in facing crimes. The most important reason for
this
Linking Words
 belief is that everyone must be equal
against legislation
Check wording
before the law
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 and there should not be any exceptions for
nobody
Check wording
anyone
show examples
.
For example
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, if crossing the red light in traffic is a
crime
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, doing that everywhere and by everyone must be recognised as a
crime
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.
Overall
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, I think the laws have to be flexible and the personal position should be
concerned
Verb problem
considered
show examples
 and
consequently
Linking Words
 it’s more
justly
Replace the word
just
show examples
. An example
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 my opinion is a person who has a psychological disorder and might be unable to understand laws properly. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 people have different views about
punishment
Use synonyms
 for crimes but I strongly recommend
we
Correct word choice
that we
show examples
must
Verb problem
apply
show examples
make laws that are flexible in crisis conditions.

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Language
Fix grammar and sentence form. Use short, clear sentences.
Content
Be clear about your main point in the first paragraph. State your view simply and keep it.
Content
Add more strong reasons for each view and give better examples.
Coherence
Check how you link ideas. Use linking words correctly and avoid long, hard sentences.
Structure
Make one idea in each paragraph. Start with the main point, then add detail.
Structure
There is a plan with intro, body, and conclusion.
Content
You mention both sides and give your own view.
Coherence
You use some linking words to show flow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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