IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benifits if society has more eldery people .To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages.

The phenomenon of
people
Use synonyms
 living longer than ever in many countries. Some argue that an
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 creates challenges for the
Use synonyms
government
Punctuation problem
government,
show examples
while
Linking Words
 others believe that elderly
people
Use synonyms
 can benefit
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 there are advantages of
Correct article usage
an aging
show examples
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
, I strongly believe that
there
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 are outweighed by the disadvantages because of the burden on the healthcare system and the unfair distribution of resources. Regarding the positive side of
Correct article usage
an aging
show examples
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
,
properly
Rephrase
apply
show examples
the most significant benefit is that their knowledge and knowledge can contribute to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
. Elderly individuals have spent
long
Correct article usage
a long
show examples
 time in their workforce. They often possess valuable experience and expertise for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
problem-solving skills.
For example
Linking Words
, many senior
people
Use synonyms
 hold the top positions in companies and
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 for the management decisions.
However
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 their experience is valuable in the leadership role, the younger
people
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 more innovative and adaptable in their work for improvement and implementation in the progress.
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason, the companies and
government
Use synonyms
 are more likely to recruit the younger
people
Use synonyms
 for the lower and mid-level roles. Despite the benefits of the
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
, we should not overlook
is
Verb problem
the fact
show examples
 that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
older
people
Use synonyms
 increase the burden
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the healthcare service. They are generally more prone to illnesses and chronic health issues, requiring more medical attention and treatments. A striking illustration is that a
studied research
Wrong verb form
study
show examples
 by AIG, one of
biggest
Correct article usage
the biggest
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 worldwide insurance
companies
Punctuation problem
companies,
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 has
showed
Wrong verb form
shown
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 that the portion of
annual
Correct article usage
the annual
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 budget spent on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
olderly
Correct your spelling
older
people
Use synonyms
 is larger than other age
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
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over
Change preposition
by over
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 30%.
This
Linking Words
 could lead to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 situation
that
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 the
government
Use synonyms
 struggles to provide adequate care for everyone, creating
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 unfair distribution of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
resources. In conclusion, the elderly
people
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 greatly beneficial to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, the financial strain they place on the healthcare system poses a significant challenge.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I firmly believe that the disadvantages of an
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 outweigh the advantages.

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task response
State your view clearly in the opening and restate it in the conclusion. Add more strong reasons and support for your view with clear examples.
coherence and cohesion
Organize each paragraph around one main idea. Use linking words to show how ideas fit together and make the order clear.
language use
Check spelling and grammar, and use simple, common words to avoid confusion.
task response
A clear position is given in the final idea of the essay.
coherence
There is a basic structure: intro, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
content
Some good examples are given to support points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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