IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people think that school children should play team sports rather than individuals sports. Do you agree or disagree.

There is an argument that
children
Use synonyms
 should learn
playing
Wrong verb form
to play
show examples
team
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
 in school.
However
Linking Words
, some people insist that individual
sports
Use synonyms
 are more important than
team
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will discuss both views and give my opinion. On the
One
Fix capitalization
one
show examples
 hand, some people
belive
Use the right word
believe
show examples
 that playing
team
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 better than individual
sports
Use synonyms
 for school
children
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 I partly agree with. One of the reasons for
this
Linking Words
 is that playing
team
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 good for
children
Use synonyms
 to learn cooperative spirit. When
play
Replace the word
playing
show examples
team
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as football, hockey and basketball,
children
Use synonyms
 players
do
Verb problem
apply
show examples
pass and run
or
Correct word choice
and
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 communicate
each
Change preposition
with each
show examples
others
Fix the agreement mistake
other
show examples
for
Verb problem
to achieve
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 a goal and victory. In
this
Linking Words
 process,
children
Use synonyms
 can develop cooperation.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 by playing
team
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
 they can develop socialising even with the opposing
team
Use synonyms
 players.
Besides
Linking Words
 chasing victory, they learn how to
playing
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fair play
Correct word order
play fair
show examples
 under the rules.
Therfore
Correct your spelling
Therefore
, playing
team
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 good for
children
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some people maintain that individual
sports
Use synonyms
 are better than
team
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
.
a
Fix capitalization
A
show examples
 reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 argument is that individual
sports
Use synonyms
 can help
children
Use synonyms
 to develop mentality. By playing individual
sports
Use synonyms
 like golf, field and track
sports
Use synonyms
 and
matial
Correct your spelling
martial
 arts,
children
Use synonyms
 can develop
mentality
Correct article usage
the mentality
show examples
 to keep composure.
In addition
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 can gain strength in the process of overcoming
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
their own limitations. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 playing individual
sports
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 a lot of advantages, I believe playing
team
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 better for
children
Use synonyms
 to learn cooperation.

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structure
Make a clear plan with a strong topic sentence for each paragraph and keep to it.
language
Fix grammar and spelling mistakes so ideas are easy to read.
cohesion
Use simple linking words to show how ideas connect (for example, first, also, but, so).
structure
The essay has an outline with an intro, body, and conclusion.
content
Examples of sports are used for both views.
position
The writer states a view in the end.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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