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Writing Samples
Band 5

The first table below shows changes in the total population of New York City from 1800 to 2000. The second and third tables show changes in the population of the five districts of the city (Manhattan, Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens, Staten Island) over the same period. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The first table below shows changes in the total population of New York City from 1800 to 2000. The second and third tables show changes in the population of the five districts of the city (Manhattan, Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens, Staten Island) over the same period. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The graph demonstrates the changes in the total
population
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 of New York City and its five
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districts
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boroughs
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 between 1800 and 2000. It is evident that people living in New York City increased dramatically from about 70 thousand to just below 3.5
million
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 in 1900, and reached the highest peak with over 8
million
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 people in 2000. The
districts
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 about the data provided that the majority of the inhabitants in four of five
districts
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 rose from just 18 thousand in 1800 to just a little under 6.5
million
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population
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apply
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in 2000.
However
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the percentage of the
population
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 in Manhattan dropped significantly from 76% to about 19% in 2000. It was the only area where the
population
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 declined from 1.85
million
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 in 1900 to just over 1.5
million
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 inhabitants in 2000, since other
districts
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, including Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens, and Staten Island, have a dramatic increment during these 200 years.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words population, districts, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatically" was used 2 times.
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