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Band 5.5

The charts below show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The two tables illustrate some
data
Use synonyms
 about reasons for studying among learners of different
age
Use synonyms
 groups, followed by
support
Correct article usage
the support
show examples
 tables they receive from employers. The first table
initially
Linking Words
 shows a strong start to
people
Use synonyms
 who wanted to pursue their
career
Use synonyms
 at the
age
Use synonyms
 of under 26 by the number with 80
people
Use synonyms
 and 10 for
interest
Use synonyms
 purposes. Moving on the the next one, the bar chart says not far from the exceeding
data
Use synonyms
, 70
people
Use synonyms
 studied for
career
Use synonyms
 purposes ,
while
Linking Words
 the other 15 go for
interest
Use synonyms
. And
then
Linking Words
, at the
age
Use synonyms
 of 30-39, lots of
people
Use synonyms
 study to enhance their
career
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 the rest 25
people
Use synonyms
 study to fulfil their interests. Continuing the
data
Use synonyms
, for
people
Use synonyms
 around the
age
Use synonyms
 of 40-49, their study purposes are evenly, between
career
Use synonyms
 and
interest
Use synonyms
. The
data
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 shows, highly increasing amount of
people
Use synonyms
 who studied for
interest
Use synonyms
 at over 49, which is stated as 70
people
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, followed by 20 more do them
due to
Linking Words
 their
interest
Use synonyms

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words data, age, people, career, interest with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "tables" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 4 times.
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