IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below gives information on the numbers of participants for different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia for the period 2000 to 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The line graph illustrates the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
participants
Use synonyms
 for five different activities at one social centre in Melbourne, Australia
for
Punctuation problem
, for
show examples
 two
dacades
Correct your spelling
decades
 from 2000 to 2020.
Overall
Linking Words
, the film club had dominated over the period, with the
number
Use synonyms
 of
participants
Use synonyms
 merely unchanged.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 doing martial arts had
also
Linking Words
 fluctuated for the given duration. There
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 a dramatic increase
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of
participants
Use synonyms
 taking part in musical performances and playing table tennis,
whereas
Linking Words
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 conducting amateur dramatics had plunged since 2005. In detail,
film
Correct article usage
the film
show examples
 club had always been the most prevalent activity over the two decades, accounting for about 65
participants
Use synonyms
, and the trend for martial arts slightly oscillated and ended up
35
Change preposition
with 35
show examples
participants
Use synonyms
 by 2020. As for the two surging figures, there were only 15
people
Use synonyms
 playing table tennis in 2000, and
even
Rephrase
apply
show examples
no one did musical performances.
However
Linking Words
, the figures embarked on
skyrocketing
Correct article usage
a skyrocketing
show examples
 by 2010. Eventually, table tennis became the second popular activity, and there are almost 20
participants
Use synonyms
 relishing musical performances.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
 doing amateur dramatics had plummeted drastically since 2005, with 25
pariticipants
Correct your spelling
participants
initially
Linking Words
 and only 5 after all.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 69%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words participants, number, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 6 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • participation rates
  • trends
  • significant increases/decreases
  • stable numbers
  • fluctuations
  • overall participation
  • comparison
  • activities
  • social centre
  • Melbourne
  • participants
  • highlight
  • report
  • graph illustrates/demonstrates
  • 20-year period
  • key features
  • main features
  • statistical data
  • variations
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