IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Police budget in a region of Britain in 2017 and 2018.

The table and pie charts illustrate the sources of the police budget in a particular region of Britain in 2017 and 2018, and how
this
Linking Words
 money was allocated in both years.
Overall
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, the total budget increased slightly during the period, mainly
due to
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 a sharp rise in local taxes. In terms of expenditure, the share of salaries fell,
while
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 spending on technology almost doubled.
By contrast
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, the proportion devoted to buildings and transport remained unchanged. Looking at funding sources, the national government remained the largest contributor, rising only modestly from £175.5
million
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 in 2017 to £177.8
million
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 in 2018. Local taxes,
however
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, saw a much more significant increase, from £91.2
million
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 to £102.3
million
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. Other sources,
such
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 as grants, showed only a marginal rise, from £38
million
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 to £38.5
million
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. Turning to expenditure, officers’ and staff salaries represented the majority of spending in both years, though
this
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 share declined from 75% in 2017 to 69% in 2018.
By contrast
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, the proportion allocated to technology grew markedly, from 8% to 14%. Spending on buildings and transport remained constant at 17% across the two years.
To sum up
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, the police budget rose
overall
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, supported mainly by local taxation,
while
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 technology received increasing investment at the expense of staff salaries.

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task
The task is done well. Keep the good parts but add a small extra compare of the two years in each part to push the score up.
coherence
Link ideas with more simple connect words to help flow. Make sure the text moves smoothly from one idea to the next.
structure
Clear start and end.
content
Use of numbers from the charts.
analysis
Good look at changes over time.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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