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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Home-schooling is becoming increasingly popular. What do you think the reasons are for this? Do you think home-schooling is more beneficial than attending a private or states school?

Education is one of the critical issues recently. It can be seen that people tend to teach their
children
Use synonyms
 at home more than
providing
Wrong verb form
provide
show examples
 situations for them to participate in different types of
schools
Use synonyms
. There are several reasons for that. What I believe is that learning in institutions can be so effective for our kids, and I am going to elaborate on
this
Linking Words
 in the following. On the one hand, people who prefer their
children
Use synonyms
 to study at home think about different aspects.
Firstly
Linking Words
, they believe that their
children
Use synonyms
 might be influenced by other students in
societies
Fix the agreement mistake
society
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 who aren’t at the same level as they are. These parents have
this
Linking Words
 perspective that there are a
lot
Use synonyms
 of negative possibilities to
occur
Verb problem
can occur
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, they have a
lot
Use synonyms
 of concern about criminal acts
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and different
religious
Replace the word
religions
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they
resist
Verb problem
refuse
show examples
 to register them
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
schools
Use synonyms
 to protect their
children
Use synonyms
 from any risks.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some of these families think about their financial situations. Despite the fact that most
schools
Use synonyms
 have changed their methods to involve parents a
lot
Use synonyms
 in
student’s
Check wording
students’
show examples
 homework, they have increased the enrolment rate.
Consequently
Linking Words
, when parents understand that they have to spend a
lot
Use synonyms
 of time and money, they would rather
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
teach them at home with various tools, which are introduced in online educational pages.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, we cannot deny that
educational
Correct article usage
the educational
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 environment brings many advantages for their future. Not only can students learn academic lessons in a funny
ways
Fix the agreement mistake
way
show examples
, but they can
also
Linking Words
 learn life lessons during school days. The most important factor is that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
schools
Use synonyms
 provide opportunities for them to communicate with their peers and build
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
.
School
Fix the agreement mistake
Schools
show examples
 are like a small community to help them evolve their personal growth. They become more resilient in their friendships, pay enough attention to
opposite
Correct article usage
the opposite
show examples
 point of view, and respect each other.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
, teachers encourage them to join in several activities to discover their interests and talents.
Hence
Linking Words
, they become so creative to show their abilities and skills.
As a result
Linking Words
, it will be so easy for them to find their careers in the future.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 competitive,
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the schools
show examples
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
 atmosphere
motivate
Correct subject-verb agreement
motivates
show examples
 them to be successful person in their lives. In
this
Linking Words
 way, they try so hard to show their superiority, and they will have more satisfaction based on their achievements. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 some families avoid enrolling their
children
Use synonyms
 in
schools
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 their concerns, all the training which has been
determined
Verb problem
provided
show examples
 can lead them to be successful
persons
Check wording
people
show examples
 in their lives.

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content
Be clear on your view. Say your answer to the question in the first paragraph and stay with it.
content
Make the two sides clear: why some choose home schooling and the good sides of schools. Then say which is better and why.
structure
Give one main idea in each paragraph and give a simple example to show it.
grammar
Use short, simple sentences. Check grammar: noun with verb, plural s, and use linking words like also, but.
coherence
Link ideas with clear words to show flow, but keep sentences short and not too long.
lexical
Spell and pick easy words; avoid hard words and keep to common talk.
structure
Clear plan with intro, body and conclusion.
coherence
Some good use of linking words to show ideas.
content
Some attempt to give reasons and examples.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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