IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Children use internet without any supervision. What are the reasons behind this and give some solutions.

Kids
Use synonyms
 utilising the
internet
Use synonyms
 without any supervision is becoming more widespread in many
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
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 of the world. There are several
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 caused by
this
Linking Words
 trend, and various measures could be taken to tackle the situation. There are a variety of
different
Correct word choice
apply
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causes
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon.
To begin
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 with,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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ignorance
Replace the word
ignorant
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parents
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plays
Correct subject-verb agreement
play
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 the most crucial role in making
kids
Use synonyms
 nowadays glued to their smart devices.
Due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon,
kids
Use synonyms
 tend to rely on the
Internet
Use synonyms
 for entertainment, which leads to addiction.
For instance
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,
a
Correct article usage
apply
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research conducted by
BBC
Correct article usage
the BBC
show examples
 in
VietNam
Fix capitalization
Vietnam
show examples
 has resulted in alarming
statisics
Correct your spelling
statistics
 where 80% of children in the country
uses
Correct subject-verb agreement
use
show examples
 the
Internet
Use synonyms
 without any observation
and
Correct word choice
or
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 supervision from their
parents
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
,
kids
Use synonyms
 became addicted to
this
Linking Words
 platform of entertainment and slowly developed some distance
with
Change preposition
from
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 their own
parents
Use synonyms
. Despite these circumstances, there are several measures that
parents
Use synonyms
 and the government could
do
Verb problem
take
show examples
 to tackle
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon. For
parents
Use synonyms
, spending more quality time around their
kids
Use synonyms
 would be the best solution to take them away from the platform
Linking Words
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 well as build a strong bond between them.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the government should ban or have policies about the restriction of social media on the
Internet
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 would certainly greatly reduce the total screen time of the youngsters.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 matter is a problem that many individuals need to take part in to be able to mitigate it. In conclusion, the anomaly of
kids
Use synonyms
 using the
internet
Use synonyms
 without supervision or adult teachings would result in a bad influence on the
kids
Use synonyms
.
Hence
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, it is detrimental if we as adults do not take action immediately to mitigate the crisis of the situation.

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grammar/clarity
Explain each cause more clear with a simple fact or example. Try to be exact about what the problem is and who it affects.
content/ideas
Add more ideas on how schools and teachers can help, not just parents and the government.
grammar
Check spelling and verb form. Use short, plain sent. Keep the tone simple.
coherence
Make the order easy: cause, effect, solution. Use clear links so the writing flows.
content
The essay starts with a clear idea that kids use the net without help.
structure
The writer gives two groups to help: parents and government.
structure
There is a closing part that repeats the idea.
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